


Hollowing Souls

by buttercup6932



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has magic, Alec is addicted to Magnus, Alot of history, Angry Sex Malec, Angst, Blood Drinking, Bottom Alec, Cain - Freeform, Camille is not that bad, Confused Alec, Crusades against vampires, Crystal Magic, Dark Alec, Dom Magnus, Drug Addiction, Dub con Malec, From Lovers to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hallucinations, Hate Sex Malec, Hurt Alec, Immortal Magnus, Insecure Alec, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Smut, Magnus has a problem of memory, Magnus hates having feelings for Alec, Magnus is addicted to Alec's blood, Magnus thinks he's in love with Dot, Malec, Malec Angst, Malec Sex, Malec Smut, Manipulation, Mark of Cain, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Denial, Plot Twists, Raphael is a great friend, Rough Sex Malec, Rough blowjobs, Self Harm, Selfish Alec, Sexual Tension, Smutty Angst, Sub Alec, Top Magnus, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vampire Hunter Alec Lightwood, Vampire Hunters, Vampire Magnus Bane, Wars, angsty sex, dark magnus, extreme love, he forgets Alec, magic spells, malec porn, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 07:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20635373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttercup6932/pseuds/buttercup6932
Summary: Magnus Bane is a centuries old vampire, now in 21st century, a billionaire. Alec Lightwood is a teenager and rich as hell brat that constantly has several chance meetings with this particular asian man who just happens to show up at random places but just doesn't seem to age, until one day, they officially meet at a formal dinner, eventually falling in love only to discover that Alec is a vampire hunter. Secrets are revealed as Magnus is cursed into forgetting all prior memories of Alec and their relationship and they are consumed into a constant battle within themselves, against eachother and then the world.A story of magic, angst, love and the promise of a happy ending.-Hey guys, I accidentally deleted this so I'm posting again :(





	1. 1. A Problem of Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy guyss thankyou so much for clicking! I deleted this and I'm reposting, for those of you who are new:
> 
> This story has a lot of plot and gets really dark and really hot eventually  
Magnus doesn't remember Alec :(  
Robert is a bitch  
Alec is quite magical, literally

**A L E C**

_"Who are you?!"_

I stood there listening to those three words as he pushed me back and resisted the kiss.   
He doesn't recognise me.

I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. He had no idea who I was. Feeling devastated, it was as if my whole life had been snatched from me right there at that moment.

Dorothia, Magnus' doctor came inside the hospital room. She looked at me with eyes filled with pity and I had never hated anything more. She told me it was better if I stayed out of his sight for the time being. How was that better for anyone? Magnus is _mine._

I was made to leave the room. Sagging outside, losing all my strength, I had never felt this alone in my entire life.  
Before Magnus, nothing seemed to matter.

Everyday was the same. I didn't have a care about anything, I never knew sadness because I had never felt true happiness either. But Magnus? He was everything good in my life, the only part that I looked forward to. The only thing that made me want to get up in the morning. But now it was all _gone._

Magnus had no idea who I was and the way he looked at me, it made me feel dead inside.

** _13 _ ** ** _HOURS LATER_ **

Jace and Izzy were sitting by my side at the cafeteria. They kept telling me to eat something.

"Alec, come on dude what the hell, you look like a corpse, eat something." Jace practically yelled at me but it didn't matter.

Izzy was completely quiet, even she had that pitiful look in her eyes, maybe Jace felt that way too but he knew I hated being pitied so he tried acting all cool.

"When can we see him?", Jace asked.

I was done moping. I told myself that I could win Magnus over. He fell in love with me once, he'll do it again but not if I just sat here, starving, not doing anything other than blame everything on life.

"How about right now? Let's go see him."

I told both of them and gestured them to follow me to his room. Magnus laid there on the hospital bed, eyes closed.

He looked like an angel, I wanted to touch him, feel him, do anything but I couldn't.

He opened his eyes and looked at us, immediately recognised Jace and somehow Izzy too.

"Isabelle, my favourite Lightwood, fancy seeing you here. I must admit, I've looked better than this. Please don't judge me because of my current appearance." Magnus said with his usual glory.

He couldn't have been more beautiful, I started feeling more hope because maybe his memories were back since he recognised Izzy.

Izzy replied immediately, she seemed excited too. "Magnus! You remember me!?"

"How can I not? You're the second most fashionable person on this planet."

"Who's the first?" Izzy smirked, although we all knew what the answer was.

"Why yours truly of course." Magnus winked.

I had to chuckle. It was only then when Magnus seemed to have been made aware of my presence. He looked at me but he looked uncomfortable.

I walked closer to him and tried taking his hand into my own but he immediately pulled it away.

"And you are?" He asked.   
Suddenly, all the hope had been once again ripped off me. I just stood there. I didn't know what to do, he started to look concerned.

"Oh, you're Alec. Isabelle's brother, It's a pleasure to meet you, did you come here to see me?" Magnus said, putting more emphasis on 'me'.

As if I wouldn't come to see him if he would go through that bad of an accident. I was done pretending.

I was about to actually yell at him that _"Pleasure to meet you too Mr.Bane oh and other than being Isabelle's brother, I'm also known for being your fucking boyfriend for the past six years and by the way, just so you know, I was about to propose you the night you decided to get drunk and run your car into a tree which made you forget me somehow even though you seem to remember everyone else." _

But since this was Magnus we're talking about, the love of my life, I couldn't exactly be rude to him so yeah again, I just stood there. And I was about to ball my eyes out when Jace interrupted and asked me to come with him, before I could agree, I was being dragged outside.

He told me it was going to be okay but I just had the feeling of something being very wrong. So I went back inside, Jace was confused as hell so he walked inside too and that was when Magnus noticed him and said,   
"Hey Goldilocks, where is your better half, my dear biscuit."  
He was talking about Clary, Jace's fianceè. She was an artist, a very good one at that, Magnus liked her alot, I just found her annoying.

I decided to sit next to Magnus on the bed. Isabelle and Jace decided to leave us alone. Magnus seemed confused, because apparently to him, I was just Izzy's brother.

But I was alot more than that to Magnus. _My_ _Magnus_. I kept searching for words to say to him, Dot didn't even bother telling Magnus that he was having a problem with his memory.

Everything just seemed so dark, everytime I tried telling him who I was, she just showed up out of nowhere and would ask me to leave.

What could you expect anyways, she didn't like me, and frankly speaking, the feelings were mutual. And then finally Magnus was the one to break off the silence as he started to speak.

"So? Umm, Alec? Is there something you need to say?"

"Yeah..Um...Mag yes, I mean Magnus..I was umm.. do you remember me, at all?"

Magnus seemed rather surprised by the question and he kept looking at me like I was crazy. But he decided to answer.

"You are Isabelle's and Jace's brother? Of course I remember you, not that we actually ever got to talk and I wouldn't mind changing that at all, you were always the Grumpy Lightwood and you never came to my parties so as you see.."

I cut him off and tears started to escape my eyes and if it had been my Magnus, he would've just hugged me, told me it was going to be okay even if he didn't know the reason. But the Magnus sitting right infront of me, he just looked at me, he did look worried about me but that was all there was to it. Just worry. No love. No affection. Not that sweet intensity always a part of us.

I couldn't stand it anymore so I kissed him.


	2. Foe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus' POV

**M A G N U S**

Why is he crying? He was holding my hand and for some reason I didn't want him to let go. I had this pressing urge to hold him, tell him it was going to be okay, whatever the reason might be and I wanted to punch anyone who might have been the cause of making Alec suffer and nearly sob. 

I didn't get it, I hated seeing him like that, but in reality I was supposed to hate him, wasn't I? _Why does it matter? I dont't even know him_.

And then he was kissing me. I wanted to kiss back, the contact felt so familiar. Like it was meant to be. Like I was supposed to be with him but it just felt both right and wrong at the same time that I felt like my head was going to explode. And then I could hear Dorothia, I felt like I owed her an explanation, I was supposed to be with her, wasn't I? Or what if the bloodlust took over. We were so close that I could hear his pulse rising. So I pulled away. 

"Alec! I..I'm sorry, I just..I" 

"No Magnus.." Alec looked guilty and embarrassed and I didn't want him to feel all those things but then I heard myself saying, 

"I'm in love with Dot." 

Even I didn't know where that was coming from, I wasn't in love with her, was I? 

"Excuse me?!" I heard him almost yelling, he looked scared, pained.   
Even if I did feel something for him I told myself that I should be with Dot.

Alec was a Lightwood. He would despise me if he found out what I was. The abomination and the monster his father thinks I am. 

The Lightwoods had been hunting us for centuries, the only reason I talked to Isabelle was because she's harmless, women never inherited the skills of the hunter, it was always the Lightwood men, Jace was harmless too, He wasn't a Lightwood. But I felt this deep connection with Alec, and I knew it was wrong. 

Alec stood up, his phone was on the table, he picked it up and then he showed me a picture. Of us. 

We were at my loft. Why was he at my loft? I didn't remember ever seeing or meeting him there or anywhere else either for that matter. To say that I was confused would be an understatement. 

I finally managed to ask, "Why is there a picture of us and when were you in my house?" 

"Magnus that's the thing, Dot might not have told you, but you've been having a problem with your memory, before the accident, we were..." 

_What happened before the accident? A memory problem?_ Before Alec could finish his sentence, Dot walked in with Robert Lightwood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guyss!  
Hope you're liking it, things are gonna go downnn ;))


	3. Havoc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions

**M A G N U S**

Dot walked in with Robert. She looked guilty as if she had done something really terrible.

I didn't want to look at Robert. I hated that man. He was a tyrant, walked like he owned the place, which ofcourse, he did. The Lightwoods owned almost half of the city, the other owned by Bane Enterprises.

It was odd how we were connected in so many different ways. We were business partners. That's how I got to know Isabelle and Jace but we were a lot more than that. I was a vampire and he was a hunter.

Rivals in the supernatural world. Never to be on the same side. And that was exactly what Alec was going to be. A formidable foe.

"Magnus, love are you okay?" Dot said, as she approached me. Always gentle, she stroked my hair.

Alec and I were still holding hands and I felt his grip grow tighter, so tight that it started to hurt but as I looked at him and saw the despair in his eyes I felt more pain in my heart. He looked so lost and I caught a hint of jealousy in his eyes too. _Jealousy? Because of Dot? _

Doesn't matter. As soon the hunter in him starts to take over, he too will begin to see me as a monster.

"I am fine. Thank you, Dorothia." I replied softly as I pulled my hand away from Alec and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

**A L E C**

I felt betrayed. Robert hadn't said anything from the moment he entered with Dot. It felt like someone was sucking out my soul.

Everything was a blur, I had no clue why the only person Magnus did not remember was me. The way she touched him made me feel like someone was stabbing me over and over again.

_That's it. I'm going to tell him. _The moment I was about to speak, I heard my dad.

"Alec, I think we should leave. I'm sure Mr.Bane needs to rest."

"No, what I think is that Mr.Bane needs to hear the truth."

Dot looked panicked. She was about to say something but Magnus stopped her, encouraging me to speak. So I obliged.

"This whole situation is nothing less than bewildering. I don't know how to explain myself to you. The photos I showed you just now were of us in our apartment and the reason we were together in that picture is that before the accident took place..."

"Alec." I heard my dad call out my name.

"WHAT?" I spat.

"We need to leave."

"Why is everyone acting like this?!"

"I will explain everything later but son we should leave."

I didn't get it. I was getting angrier. And then I felt the lights flicker. It was almost midnight. My dad took my hand and just then Jace came inside. Dad asked him to leave but he came closer.

My eyes were burning. I heard Robert, "Jace. You must leave this room right this instant."

"I'm not going anywhere." I heard him reply and dad's grip on my hands grew tighter.

"Calm down son, everything is okay. Dorothia, you must help him."

_Help me with what? _

"What the hell is going on?" said Jace. Robert ignored him and the moment Jace touched me, he passed out. _Did I do that? Did I hurt my brother? _I could hear Robert yelling at Magnus.

"This is all your fault, you filthy creature. I will not lose _another_ son because of you."

Dot told everyone to calm down but it was too late for that. "Max was not me Robert. I will say it one last time." Magnus replied.

Dot came forward, she put her hands on either side of my head, I was on my knees now.

The agonising pain in my stomach getting unbearable, the blood in my veins boiling. And then I heard Dot say something, it wasn't in English.

Magnus got up from his bed, he tried coming closer, I heard him call my name when my father yelled at him.

"Stay away from my son Bane, I will not ask again!"

I saw Jace, he was on the floor and then I passed out.


	4. Falling - out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback, a memory, some reality

_June, 2005._

_I was standing at the edge of Brooklyn Bridge, needing the voices to stop. They kept coming constantly. Whispering in my ears. I never understood what they were trying to tell me. It was almost midnight. I was all alone, Max was gone. I'd lost my will to live. That's when I saw him for the first time. Magnus Bane. The reason for my existence._  
_ 

When I woke up I realized I was in my room at The Lightwood Mansion. It had never felt like home to me and clearly nothing has changed.  
The memories from last night were a blur. I remembered trying to tell Magnus about us when dad and Dot came into the hospital room. I got mad, I'm not sure why. Jace was there too and the rest was a blank. I didn't remember anything else.

I heard a knock at the door. It was Izzy. She came in and sat by my side.   
"Hey big brother, You doing okay?" She took my hand.

"I'm fine Iz." I stroked her hand with my thumb, reassuring her that I was okay. Neither of us could've handled the loss of another sibling.

"This might not be the best time for saying this with everything that has been going on Alec but know this, I love you.." She took out a small box from her pocket and gave it to me, it had a picture of us. Me, Izzy, Jace, Clary, Simon and _Magnus_.

"Happy 28th birthday, Alec."   
  


**M A G N U S**

When Alec passed out last night, I was terrified. I didn't understand where all these feelings were coming from but they were there....just there.

It was getting harder to access them as if someone had buried them deep. But they were there, my subconscious trying in vain to tell me something. Lying on the bed, I kept replaying the events from last night in my head.

Everything that Alec said was off center. But it still felt like I should believe anything he says.

The picture is no more clearer than it was last night, and nothing seems wrong with my memory. I love Dot.

"Magnus." I heard Dot come inside. She sat at the end of my bed, smiling.

"I'm so glad you're okay Magnus." Her smile didn't look heartfelt. She leaned in to kiss me, I was going to kiss her back but I didn't _want_ to. It felt more like I _had_ to.

Maybe because I was just worried about Alec. There it was again. Alec. I just needed to dtop thinking about him.

I leaned into kiss Dot when I heard something.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Dot looked taken aback.

Even I wasn't sure if I actually heard something or was it just me trying to make an excuse so that I didn't have to kiss her.

No. I did hear something. I heard it again. It was Alec's voice.

_"I hear that...relationships...they umm...take effort."_

_"I'm all for effort."_

What's wrong with me?

"Magnus, I don't hear anything. What are you talking about?" Dorothia's voice interrupted my thoughts.

What was I to say? Instead of talking to her I want to know about Alec. Is he okay? He must be close to his twenty eighth birthday. Being a Lightwood had its perks. I told myself I was just curious and there was nothing more to it.

Who am I kidding. It isn't curiosity, I'm worried. I want to see him again, plain and simple.

"Dot."

"Yes?"

"Is Alec okay?"

Her expression changed from concern to raw anger in a second. I regretted asking her even though I didn't understand her intense reaction but it was done and I did not want to back down.

"Why do you care?" Her voice almost venomous.

"Excuse me?" She is right? ofcourse.

_Why do I care? I barely know him._

"I'm just curious Dot. After everything he said last night-"

"Magnus, whatever he said doesn't matter. The boy must be hallucinating, he seemed close to the final cycle. What do you expect? He's a hunter. A Lightwood. They're all crazy."

I didn't like her tone. I didn't want her to talk about him like that. I felt like I had to defend him. No. Dot's right. He's a Lightwood. Besides, I was with her. I should be happy. I should be.  
_Then why wasn't I? Don't I love her?_

"Here, I snuck you some blood bags." She took out three from her bag. Thank the angel if there was any, because I was starving.

**A L E C**

_Happy 28th Birthday Alec. _

_It was my birthday. It was supposed to be me and Magnus, we were supposed to go on a vacation to Tokyo, at the Palace Hotel._

"Alec." said dad as he came in. Izzy had already left a few minutes ago. He looked dour.

"Hi, dad."

"We need to talk about last night."

"If you think I should move on from Magnus...."

"We'll come to that but right now we have more pressing matters Alec and you must listen to me. This is very important."

"Is Jace okay?"

"You remember that?" He looked hesitant. As if he wanted to tell me something very troubling.

Whatever it was, there wasn't anything worse that could happen after what had already happened with Magnus. So I was ready to hear anything. I had started to expect the worst from life.

"Alec, do I have your attention?"

"Sure."

There was a moment of silence. Before anything could be said though, Jace entered. He looked fine. Locking the door he sat next to dad.

"Jace, this is not the right time."

"You know when will be the right time for me Robert? Never. I deserve to know the truth too. I know you don't consider me your son and you have every right to do that but Alec is my brother, if there's something wrong with him-"

"I do consider you as my son, Jonathan."

No one ever used Jace's full name. It was a reminder of the darkest times of his life.

"Dark times are coming and you should be prepared, both of you. Isabelle cannot know. And Alec, you need to stay away from Magnus Bane-" Before I could interrupt, dad held up his hand.

"You don't know everything about him."

"I've known him for seven years dad." I was pissed. He'd never liked Magnus but I should be the one to choose who I want to spend my life with.

"Seven years is nothing Alexander. Not when he has an eternity to live and not when he has had the time of a hundred life times."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jace was the first one to speak. Dad ignored him.

"Alec." There was a long pause.

"You were there. The night Max died. I know you saw something. Something you couldn't explain. Which is what-"

"That's enough." I spat. I didn't want to hear any more of that, I was done.

"Robert, I think we should come back later." Jace grabbed Robert's arm but he shoved him away.

"This cannot wait. You must face the truth-"  
"Listen to me, Dad. I know you blame me for Max's death but-"

"That's the thing Alexander. I do not. It wasn't your fault. And I know who's responsible. I've known for the past ten years and this is the day, you've completed the final cycle of the hunt."

Okay. Dad has finally lost it. My head was going to explode. My skin was burning. What the hell is a final cycle. Nothing made sense. And then the lights flickered again, just like last night. It was me. I was doing that. Jace felt it too.

He looked at me shocked. Dad seemed rather happy, Infact he looked almost proud. _WHAT_? He was never proud of me.

I got up from my bed and tried leaving the room but it was locked, the lock was frozen, and by frozen I mean literally. I turned around to look at dad. Jace was just as confused and I could see a hint of fear too. I felt the same. Was terrified of myself. I hurt him, my brother.

The events of last night became clearer. As Dot put her hands on either sides of my head, she said something and then..her eyes were glowing. I remembered.. It was like 2005. The wretched day happening all over again. After the night Max died, I tried so hard to forget.

Who would've believed me? That I saw fangs and felt cold as if death was around me. But now it seemed like my dad was just as crazy as I was. I wanted to scream, my head was spinning.

"Alec, you need to calm down." I heard Jace near me. I was burning up, He pulled me closer.

We were both on our knees now, my head on his shoulder, his hand rubbing my back. I could hear Magnus, I saw him, I remembered.

His eyes. We were at his loft, they were glowing. I only caught a glimpse back then and didn't pay much attention but now it felt like I knew what it meant. At the thought of Magnus being around me, I calmed down.

My breathing almost even. My heartbeat back to normal and the lights stopped flickering.

I stood up, my hands rolled into fists. I was ready to listen.


	5. Burden

I was ready to listen. I needed answers. I knew that my brother's death was somehow connected to everything dad was about to say as his words echoed in my mind. _"I will not lose_ _another son because of you."_ He said this to Magnus in the hospital.

For twelve years I had been drowning in guilt for not being able to protect my little brother. I should've felt some relief as this meant that the things I saw had a meaning but I didn't because deep down I knew that things were only going to get worse.

"Alec. For centuries, evil souls have lived in secret but it is the Lightwood legacy to protect the human kind from the darkness that lurks in the shadows.You're a Lightwood Alec. You're a hunter." Dad took out a ring out of his pocket. It looked very old, a W carved on top. I stayed quiet, Waiting for him to continue.

"This ring has been passed down to Lightwoods since the time of the first crusades. You have to wear it at all costs. Never let it go Alec."

From his other pocket he took out a white crystal. I was mesmerised. It was beautiful. Giving out shades of emerald and sapphire, as if the colors were calling out to their own halves. As I saw the crystal I couldhear Max's voice.

_The night Max died he kept talking about a crystal like the world would stop without it. "Alec, I know it sounds crazy but you have to believe me. The angels speak to me brother. Please... you have to find the final crystal. Please. No one would believe me if I told them brother..."_

Shivers of uneasiness ran up every inch of my body. If only I had believed Max that night, maybe...he would've still been here.

"What is it?" Jace asked, gesturing towards the crystal.

"This is one of the seven crystals. Few hunters have the ability to connect with a crystal. I was connected to this one. Each crystal is used for a different purpose. When combined together they form a key. But we're here to prevent that from happening. Other than forming the key, the crystals were made to absorb the power of the Blackwell witches. Followers of the Devil. The crystals must be kept away from each other. Since you are a Lightwood hunter Alec, you might be able to connect with one of the two crystals that are missing. You also have to learn and control the abilities that come with it."

I didn't know if I should freak out or what. This all felt like a very bad dream.

"What's the final cycle?" Jace was doing all the questioning. I just sat there, my head bent down. Trying to absorb and understand everything.

"Unlike what everyone believes. The first crusade was fought against the vampires. Humans were no match for them. That's when the seven royal families, one of each continent, with the help of Warren witches decided to set up a council and prayed to the Angels for help. Four members from each of the seven royal families were included in the council. Twenty eight members in total. Each member gave up one year of their lives for the spell provided by the angels, cast on the children of Seth by the Warren witches. That is the reason why on the twenty eighth birthday, the final cycle is completed and the hunter spell takes over. We are the children of Seth, Brother of Abel and Cain. The Lightwoods and The Morgansterns."

"Mr.Morganstern? He's a part of all this?" Asked Jace.

Valentine Morganstern and Robert Lightwood were known to be childhood friends, they shared an unbreakable bond.

After Jace's father died, for the first ten years of his life, Valentine took care of Jace but when Valentine's daughter went missing, Robert took over the responsibility.

"He is. And his son, Sebastian. He just turned twenty eight as well. Just like you, Alec."

"How does Magnus cut into any of this?" I was the one to ask this time.

"He is a vampire, Alec. A monster. You know what to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rizzy or sizzy?   
hey guys i have an exam on monday and i just wrote two more chapters to this and i ont regret a second but im also failing so there's that   
let me know if it was worth it   
hopefully the updates will get faster now   
for those of you who have read this before i deleted it, i've almost finished the whole book, took me 3 years but hey :P  
let me know what you think!!!!  
i'm working on another story with magnus as a politician running for senate and alec as a socialist!!!


	6. Teller of Lies

Magnus. A Vampire? _Did he ever love me? Did he even care? At all? Was this some sick twisted plan? If he loved me why didn't he tell me. Why didn't he trust me? Seven years? Were they not enough? Am I not enough?_

No. If he loved me he would've told me the truth. I know dad wants me to choose. But he's not giving me a choice. Magnus might not be a monster but he's not in love with me, not anymore anyways.

"I love you Alec." His voice echoed in my head. Lies. All lies.

I know what to do. If this is my fate, my duty? I will have to accept it sooner or later. There is no more time to lose. 

**M A G N U S**

"All set to go back home!"

Standing in the parking lot of the hospital I heard Dot. I was going to go back to my loft.

The wretched days of the hospital were over. I smiled as she approached me, I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her closer.

She leaned in and we kissed. But as we pulled back I saw him. Again. As if it was never Dot. It had been a week since I last saw _him_.

I wasn't sure if I wanted him to come back or just wanted him to leave forever so that I never had to think about not being with Dot again but the thought of never seeing Alec again pained me, sent shivers down my spine.

I smiled because I knew I was hallucinating. _About him. Why?_ I needed it to stop.

I went to sit in the car, Dot on the driving seat. I wanted to sleep. Yes, vampires can sleep. I was starving too, not sure if the hunger was for blood or something else or _someone. Not again._

Before I could get into fantasizing about Alec the fourth time in the day we fortunately arrived to our destination just in time.

I got out from the car and went inside the loft, just the same as I saw it the last time. But still felt like something was missing. Dot and I sat on the couch and talked for a few hours after which she left.

I got up to make cocktails when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door.

"Magnus my friend! Cómo Estás?"

Okay. He isn't happy with me.

"Raphael."  
_ 

_Raphael. The only other soul who knew me. Never left my side even after knowing everything there was to know about me. He was there, every single time assuring me that I wasn't alone in this world. I found him on the streets of New York, an eighteen year old orphan. I saw myself in him._

_I turned for the first time when I was sixteen. I was out with my friend Catarina._

_She was an ordinary human and I always thought myself to be one too._

_She was seeing Ragnor at that time. He loved her and she was my first victim. I killed my best friend._

_It happened when I started developing the crescent sign on my spine, almost invisible but every time I killed, it burned like hell but the pain was so good. Pleasurable. I couldn't stop._

_We were in the woods Catarina and I. It was the 12th Century. Almost 900 years ago but the guilt never went away. Still there, every moment of every day. The pain that came with it was like water. Had the ability to push through every boundary. And then I was left with no choice but to drown in it._

_The crescent mark resembled the star on my wrist. I didn't understand their meaning until I met Robert Lightwood in 2011._

_He had a Sun on his wrist, I noticed it when I shook hands with him at the company dinner. It was the same day I had met Alec seven years ago._   
__ _

"If you don't mind me asking why is your boyfriend roaming around the streets of Manhattan killing vampires, I thought you had the situation under control. You were supposed to be there when he turned twenty eight, I understand why you didn't want to hurt him but we've had this conversation before-"

Whenever Raphael begin to speak, there was no stopping him especially if he was mad.

He continued scolding me as he started walking into the loft and I started walking backwards and now he was sitting on the couch when something he said caught my attention.

_My boyfriend roaming around the streets killing vampires? Then it's a good thing that I don't have a boyfriend, right?_

"Raphe! Who are you talking about?"

He looked irritated by the question.

"Magnus, I love you but you're seriously starting to raise my hackles. Who do you think I'd be talking about? You only have one."

"I love you too but you sound crazy. I have a girlfriend Raphe I've had one since 2011."

Raphael just rolled his eyes. "Alec finally get a sex change operation? Good for him. Now can we go back to controlling his murderous hunter instincts? That was the plan in the first place which you decided to ruin if I might add. Who knows, you could be his next kill while you guys are being all lovey dovey and-"

Raphael talked too fast. Always. And he talked crazy too but it was more like he just had a memory wipe and now he was finally close to the point where he'd lost it.

"Raphe, are you out of your mind?"

"No, your boyfriend is."

"Alec is not my boyfriend!"

"Excuse me? When was the last time you fed? What is wrong with you?"  
He looked shocked. Things weren't adding up. Why wouldn't he know about Dot? I always told him everything. When Rafe came to New York in 2013, all three of us went to Central Park.

"I'm with Dot." He looked pissed, He liked Dot right? He liked my partner. They were friends.

"No you're not! That witch. Magnus, she's a Blackwell. They can't be trusted. She's done something to you. You're supposed to be with Alec."

"No I am not! Blackwell witches have stood by the vamps in times of need."

"Yeah, when they're the ones in need, not the other way around."

"What are you talking about Rafe? How about we just get some rest? Alec is a Lightwood. Sure I found him pretty when I first met him at the company dinner with the Lightwood family but that's about it."

"First off, that's not the first time you met him. The first time you met him was at Brooklyn Bridge in 2005. I can't believe I'm explaining your own relationship timeline to you."

I was confused, very confused. I wanted to believe Raphe, it would make things a lot easier but something just kept pushing me to stay the hell away from Alec. Or maybe it was the other way around.

My mind was conflicted. A lot of my memories didn't add up but I trusted Dot. Even if she was hiding something there has to be a reason behind it.   
  


**A L E C**

It has been a week since dad filled me up with the crazy family legacy. At this point I was ready to believe in zombies too but I'd stopped caring.

In the last seven days, I'd killed almost eleven vampires and every time I thought of Magnus being one of them I just wanted to die.

Jace was by my side the whole time, he was less freaked out and when I asked him the reason he told me about the times he had seen me do 'stuff'. Strange stuff.

It was weird because I don't remember any of it but I was too tired to think anymore. The only reason I went on this rampage to start eradicating vampires from the face of the earth was so that dad could think I had made a choice. Which I had, but I chose Magnus.

If I had to kill anymore vamps just so that in the meantime dad's attention would be lifted from trying to kill Magnus, I would do it gladly. Not that gladly but still.

I might even never see him again but I had to try. Dad wants Magnus dead because he thinks he was involved in Max's death but I wasn't ready to believe that.

When I first met him in June, 2005 at the Brooklyn Bridge we were both going through things we didn't want to talk about. Max died in January and Magnus' ex-girlfriend, Cammile had went missing in May.

A lot happened the night Max died. We were out for icecream, it was just the two of us. It was midnight and we snuck out of the house because Max had been having nightmares.

He never talked about them until that night. They started off when he turned eight. Dad ignored it every time and he never let me help him or wake him up.

That night after we were returning home Max wanted to go into the woods because he kept talking about a crystal. It made a lot more sense now. Dad told me that few hunters are able to connect with one of the crystals.

Apparently, Max was one of those few hunters. I didn't take him to the woods so he started running towards the woods on his own. I ran after him but it was too late. If only I'd been a little faster or if I had never taken him out of the house in the first place, things would've been so different.

The medical examiner reported that it was an animal attack. I made myself believe that too and tried forgetting what I had seen. No one would've believed me. It was a man who attacked him and dad thinks it was Magnus.

He said some witch had told him. If that was true, I vowed to him that I will kill Magnus myself.

Dad was more than happy to let me do it but he had something else in mind. He always does.

He wanted me to make Magnus fall in love with me again and then kill him so that in the last moments of his life, he suffers. I don't believe any witches so I am going to find out the truth on my own even if it means I have to confront Magnus or lay down bodies in the process.

And if dad's right, _Magnus will suffer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that i look back at my writing style from three years ago i can admit its pretty overdramatic guys xD  
hopefully with the next chapters you guys will see it developing and this turning into an actual story   
forgive me i was rly in the malec feels when i was writing this   
especially back when we were still watching season 2A and i just wanted magnus to be happy and i got sick of alec constantly choosing jace so i LITERALLY (unintentionnaly) punnished him in my book for all his crimes  
but im over it now ofc after season 3 finale ;_;  
for the dark magnus we didn't get to seee, i have another fic called beautiful tragedies, check that out but its mostly a bunch of little plot mostly porn but still darkk magnuss  
let me know what u thinkk


	7. A Friend In Need

**A L E C**

Enough. Getting Magnus' attention by killing vampires obviously isn't working. I have to go to him. Confront him.

I don't know how this would go but I just... I just wanted to see him again. Ignoring everything else I went to his loft. I still had the key to it after all. It was _our _loft a week ago. I still knocked however.

Raphael greeted me on the door. He was Magnus' foster brother, at least that was what I'd been told.

When we first started dating, I didn't have to introduce Magnus to Isabelle or Jace, they already knew what was going on.

Raphael was the only family Magnus had so after a year of being together when Raphael came to New York we went to Central Park.

We bonded immediately. Raphael was like a brother to me too. So when I saw him at Magnus' door I did feel good. It was the only good thing that had happened in that week.

He told me Magnus isn't at home. He gave me a hug and I felt it. _Vampire._

Yet somehow there was no urge to kill him. My hunter instincts not silent but calm. Raphael still felt like family. Mine and Magnus' family.

He told me to take a seat and headed towards the kitchen.

"Want something to eat?" he asked.

I didn't reply. Just took a deep breath. There wasn't a point pretending anymore. If I wanted answers I better start asking the right questions. So I dropped the act.

"I see human food isn't such a problem for vampires."

There was silence for a few moments and then he came out from the kitchen and sat next to me. His expression became blank.

"You know." I wasn't sure if that was a question or if it was a statement.

"I know." I decided to answer either way.

"Do you want to kill me?" He looked confident that I wasn't going to. And I wasn't. So I made an attempt to change the topic. Not wanting to admit that I care about a vampire.

"So garlic's cool and somehow sunlight doesn't seem to be much of a problem?" He took the hint, the side of his mouth twitched.

"We have charms that protect us from the sunlight and garlic is not only edible but loved."

I nodded.

"You already knew that."

"I did."

"So this is your idea of small talk, I must tell you that you suck at it."

I almost laughed at that. I missed this. Having someone to talk to. Not that this was the best conversation you could have with someone but it still meant a great deal.

"Why did you come here Alec?"

"I live here Raph."

"Not anymore you don't."

"And that doesn't seem odd to you?"

My eyes were red. I hadn't slept in four days. Hands folded against my chest. I went to stand infront of the window. Raphael walked to the other end.

"What do you want to know?"

"You met Magnus. He doesn't remember me but you obviously do. I would like to know why."  
I trusted Raphael. No matter how much I tried to believe my father, All I saw was a friend. I didn't see a monster.

"I remember you because Dot doesn't know I exist. I'm going to trust you Alec. But I want you to trust me too."

He knew I trusted him but he wanted me to say it. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to hear the truth.

"I do trust you Raphael."

"I believe Robert has told you a lot of stuff about the darkness that lurks in the shadows and the monsters you guys need to protect the humans from. He might believe all those things but he didn't see anything. The stories were passed on to generations of hunters. They don't know what the real truth about the royal families is. I do because I witnessed everything-"

Our conversation was interrupted as the doorbell rang. Raphael told me to stay quiet as he went to open the door. It was Magnus.

He was back to glitter and gold, the last time I saw him he was covered in bruises with no makeup at all and the hospital clothes but he still looked like the most beautiful person. Now he just looked even more glamorous.

For seven years, I had seen him every day and not once had I gotten used to the feeling of him being near me. It always had the same effect on me. Butterflies in the stomach, he made the hair at the back of my neck rise and sent shivers down my spine. As he entered the living room and saw me, I witnessed something in his eyes. _Just for a second, he looked relieved and happy to see me._  
  


**M A G N U S**

Walking to the living room. I saw him sitting on my couch. Everything that Raphael had said still sounded crazy to me and after hallucinating about him almost every hour I almost thought this was nothing more than a figure of my imagination, I was angry because I felt like a cheat. Dot didn't deserve this.

He stood up and started walking towards us and I began to realize that he was actually there. I didn't know whether to be terrified by that or just accept the relief that coursed through my veins.

I was brought back to my senses by Raphael smacking my shoulder. Yes, that was indeed very embarrassing. I just didn't get Raph's weird sweetness with Alec. He was never nice to anyone.

"I'm gonna go get some drinks. We're gonna need them." With that Raphael went into the kitchen. My eyes still fixed on Alec, deciding to ask him something.

"Why are you here Alexander?" The moment I said that name I felt heat rush through my entire body. The name on my lips sounding too familiar like I had said and worshipped that name every single day.

Hearing his name from my mouth did something to him too. It effected him just like it had effected me. The ice in his eyes gone. Only warmth and tenderness left. It meant everything.

His eyes demolishing every ounce of strength holding me against the idea of taking him right there and then. His whole existence a drug.

Before I could realize what was happening I felt him come closer.

_Suddenly I was afraid, terrified even. I knew if he stepped one step forward, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. As I stood there, I knew I__ was starving._ _But for the first time, not for blood, for him._

Standing only inches apart now, distance unbearable. I couldn't stand not being close to him anymore. My knees went weak I could feel myself falling when a pair of strong arms gripped me. Holding me. _Keeping me safe._

"I've got you." He told me and I believed him. Nothing in the world seemed to matter anymore. I wanted to stay like that, forever. It felt like I'd been in his arms before. When I looked into his eyes, I saw love. _For me? How could a hunter be in love with me? In that moment, I wanted to believe everything Raphael had said. _So I leaned in and he did the same.  
Our lips almost touching.

"MAGNUS! WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY WHISKEY?!" But ofcourse, Raphael just had to interrupt.

Blush rose up to Alec's cheeks as he pulled away from our embrace. I did the same. It was a good thing, I would've regretted going any further than that but the thought of not being close to him made me want to lash out. I didn't want to feel the things I was feeling for him.

His cheeks the shade of red that tomatoes would've been jealous of. Just why did he have to be so fucking adorable.

"IT IS RIGHT THERE ON THE SHELF RAPH WATCH WITH YOUR EYES OPEN!"  
"Yep. Got it. You love me."  
________________________________________

"Raphael told me that you wanted to learn more about the vampires." I said. Alec was sitting in front of me. All three of us in the living room. Alec nodded.

"I'm sure your father has given you enough information. Why do you need to hear it from us and why should I help you?"

"Because I believe that in order to take a step in any direction, I need to know the whole truth. Which requires your perspective over things. You should help me because this could mean a truce between the vamps and the Lightwoods."

"Is that why you've been massacring vampires all over Manhattan?" My voice almost taunting. I was mad at him for making me feel like this. For making me want him.

Alec looked hurt by my tone. I regretted using it immediately which made things even worse I guess.

"I was following my father's orders."

"Right. Of course."

Despite him being a hunter, I trusted him. I just knew he'd never hurt me. So I decided to tell him the truth.

"What exactly do you want to know?"

I still didn't know why I was doing any of this. I wasn't obligated to. But I just wanted to give him whatever he needed.

"I want to know why my father thinks you had something to do with my brother-" I felt the pain in his voice.

"It's because of Camille."

"Your ex?" I was surprised. How does Alec know details of my personal life?_Shut up Magnus. Don't get into that right now._

"Yes. She was a Warren witch. The good witches as you Lightwoods like to say. To which I would strongly disagree. Anyways, when Camille and I fell in love we couldn't mate because the Warrens were the ones to provide the hunter spell in the first place. The ancestors were angered so they ripped her off her witch mark. She loved me but she loved her powers more and I know what it feels like so I couldn't blame her. She wanted her old life back so she went in search for the crystals. I'm sure you know about them."

Alec nodded and I continued.

"The crystals were used by the royal families to absorb the power of the Blackwell witches because their magic was bound to the vampires. The Blackwell's still have the ability to do magic but only if they're in the presence of more than one Blackwell. To do magic individually, they require the crystals. They could be used by any despite the coven they belonged to. Your brother, Max was connected to one of the crystals. Cammile got to know that because your father trusted her. Warrens and Lightwoods have always been on good terms so he told her about the nightmares your brother had been having. The night Max died she came to the loft and asked me to help her get the location of the crystal out of Max. By giving her access to his mind."

"You can do that?" Alec interrupted me.

"Yes, stronger vampires have the ability to access other people's minds. When I didn't go through with her plan we had a fight and she left me. But she wasn't one to give up and she was angry because she thought I didn't love her enough. Camille went to Lucien, another powerful vampire and asked him to help her.

Robert felt it, the hunters share a special connection so he instantly thought that it was me because I was the only one who ever got close enough to Max since me and your father were in the same business and I got to meet his family often. When Robert confronted me I told him the truth, I didn't want a war or any more blood but he didn't believe me because he trusted Camille more. I don't know who killed your brother Alexander but I had nothing to do with it."

"You just want me to take your work for it?" Asked Alec his eyes filled with doubt. I didn't like it, the thought of him not trusting me pained me in ways I couldn't explain.

"Alec, Magnus is telling the truth. Besides he's got no reason to lie to you anymore." Raphael was the one to interrupt.

It was my turn to ask questions. With everything that Alec said the night at the hospital and the stuff that Raphael told me about him, I knew I was missing something. Distracted by Dot every time I got closer to the truth. At the beginning I felt weak. I couldn't question her. But now was the right time.

"My turn to do the questioning Alexander."

"Go right ahead." Alec was looking me straight in the eyes, didn't even flinch.

"The question is for the both of you. I have no clue how you both know each other and I don't understand what you have against Dot."

I said pointing towards Raphe and now my attention fixed at Alec.

"And I want to know why you kissed me in the hospital and why does everyone seem to know everything and I'm the one everyone keeps staring at. I know I'm missing something here. What is it?"

Alec looked at Raphael as if asking for his permission. Raphael nodded and then they told me.

It was Alec who started it. He looked like he couldn't hold back anymore and his eyes about to burst into tears.

"I kissed you because I'm in love with you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus comed to visit the Lightwood Mansion and Alec's bedroom and finds a very special book. Raphael tries to knock some sense into Magnus. Enjoy, Smut in next chapter

**M A G N U S **

"Excuse me?!" What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why did I have to ask him that? For some reason though, his answer made me happy.

I loved the sound of those words but the constant fear of something I couldn't explain? kept pulling me away from him. Even if what he said was true, it has nothing to do with me anymore. I have feelings for Dot. 

"It's true Magnus. And you felt the same way not two weeks ago before your personal Blackwell Medusa decided to play hopscotch with your brain." Said Raphael.

He looked like he was tired of trying to explain stuff to me and honestly, I couldn't blame him. Everyone was trying to tell me the same thing but I was just too blinded to see or hear anything. I was ready to believe Raphael, he is everything to me. A friend, a brother and a son.

He would never lie to me. Everything he said was logical and rational but I just couldn't process it. I looked at Alec. His eyes begging me to trust him and I wanted to tell him that I did believe him because I wanted what he said to be true but Dot's voice kept echoing in my head. 

"Magnus..." Alec stood up and walked up to me. He sat on his knees on the floor in front of the couch that I was seated on.

He lifted his hands and cupped my face in his palms. His hands shaking. He looked hesitant, scared that I might lash out at him and all I wanted to do in that moment was kiss his worries away. But I was freaking out on the inside. Even if I did feel something for him in the past, I know what I feel right now and it was for Dot. Or was it?

_He doesn't have the right to touch me._ _He shouldn't be allowed to be this close to me._

I knew it and despite everything I leaned into his touch. Feelings of guilt consumed me for not being fair to Dot but at the same time, being close to him just felt so right.

Still I pulled away not meeting his eyes when started to speak. And he told me everything, Raphael filling in the bits and pieces.

He didn't give me all the details but now I had enough information to know what the hell was going on.

So we dated. Yeah. No big deal. People date. So what? Okay, so maybe we didn't just date. _We were in love._ Or so he says.

Even if what he said was true, it was back when he didn't know what I was and as much as I wanted to be with him right now. I still had to figure out whatever it is between me and Dorothia.

Alec and I would never work out. It was only going to lead to more heartbreak and pain. Whatever I feel for him, it has to end.

"Alexander. I..."

"No Magnus, listen. I realize that you might not feel the same way, not anymore. But you deserve to know the truth. To remember first atleast. You're not obligated to return these feelings and I will leave if that's what you want in the end but don't expect me to give up on you because that is never going to be an option."

His words hit me and I knew that no one would ever love me the way he does, and I will mever feel the same way for anyone but him.

_But I don't even know him. _Maybe one version of me did. But it's not even about what I want, It's about who I am.

At the end of the day or a century, the only person I can count on to be with me is Dot. 

"Alec. I think you should leave."

The hurt in his eyes was something I couldn't compare with anything. He looked broken but most of all he looked betrayed.

I didn't want to be the reason behind it but I knew it was all me. _It's the only way. _I didn't doubt him when he said I had loved him, maybe I did. Maybe I had it all figured out back then but things are different now. I could never be with a hunter. 

He didn't say anything. He just smiled. And not that pure smile that I might have been in love with, it was the smile that cut through your veins and tore every bit of you apart. And he left. Just like that.

I wanted to scream but I told myself that this is right choice to make. Raphael was still there. He didn't look annoyed anymore. He just looked disappointed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You're a dick." He spat.

"What is with you?"

"Me?! What is with me Magnus? Five years ago when I came to New York, I asked you the same question. I hated that you'd allowed yourself to feel like that for a Lightwood. You were ready to overlook everything. For him. You even stopped looking for Camille! You told me that this could work in our favor. Him being in love with you. They were all excuses, just so that you could be close enough to him! And all of a sudden you don't give a shit! Did you even listen to him? Or anything that I said? This is all because of that Blackwell bitch."

"Are you done?"

"Fuck off."   
"WHY DO YOU CARE? WHY DOES IT MATTER SO MUCH? I'M IN LOVE WITH DOT. I KNOW WHAT I FEEL SO BACK OFF."

I was done with everyone trying to tell me whom I should be with.

"Why do I care?! Because in the three hundred years of my life that was the first time I saw you happy. I could see you having a future. For the first time someone actually gave a shit about YOU. Even when we both knew that it might not last forever, you were willing to try! What you have with Dot is an obsession. It's a one sided trick Magnus. It matters to me because you're the closest thing to family that I have and when you vowed to protect me, everyone else might have seen you for the bloodsucking monster and I might not have known what you are but I knew you. You saved me that night and I intend to do the same."

"Raphael..." He was never the one to show emotions. I know he cares about me and he wants to save the day but he just didn't get it. I can't leave Dot. _I just can't_.

It doesn't even feel like an option. I just feel so trapped. I never intended on hurting Raphael. And I wanted to listen to him, to believe him. But its not up to me. Something is holding me back and I don't understand what it is but someone might know.

Someone who always seems to know everything. I have to talk to Robert.

"Raphael! I think I need to talk to Robert!" I stand up. Heading towards the door.

"Dios! Esta mierda incluso escucha?!" He turned away from me, rubbing his head in exasperation.

"Hey! Don't call me that." He just rolled his eyes. Nothing new.

"I'm coming with you." He grabbed his coat and we both made our way out to the Lightwood Mansion.

We arrived almost an hour later and I decided to give Isabelle a call, vampires were not allowed inside a hunter's house unless granted permission by someone of the same bloodline. And after everything that happened Isabelle would be the only one who'd let us in.

I might not have needed the invitation since I'd already been there but Raphael would have required it.

After a few rings she picked up.

"Magnus? Hey!"

"Hello Isabelle, it's been a while." For some reason I felt ashamed, that I didn't deserve to ask for anything from her. That in some way, I had failed her. But I pushed those thoughts away.

"It has indeed. Is there anything I can help you with? Is Alec okay?"

"Yes. I was just wondering if we could catch up maybe? I'm still having problem with my memories but I was hoping you could help me out with that? I'm near your house so..."

"Of course! Magnus you never have to ask. I'll get ready and we can go out for coffee if you'd like?"

The phone was on speaker so ofcourse Raphael just had to interrupt. "Uh, no? We need to get into the house." It was a whispered yell but it could still be heard through the phone. Idiot.

"Magnus? Is there someone with you?" 

"Uh yes, It's my brother. He was visiting so I thougt of bringing him with me. I hope that's okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing. When do we leave?"

"Actually I was wondering if we could stay at your house?" There was a short pause but she agreed and after waiting fifteen minutes outside the mansion we made our way inside because we didn't want to make it look like we were already outside.

That would have looked creepy. Actually, it was kinda creepy. 

The plan was simple, Raphael distracts Isabelle and I make my way to Robert's office. After introducing Isabelle to Raphael while they both started looking fairly comfortable and _friendly _with each other. The way he was looking at her was too weird. Even for Raphael.

I told her I had to use the restroom. While going through the corridor I came across a bedroom that looked quiet familiar.

The only possible explanation to that was it had to be Alec's. Without a second thought I grabbed the door knob and turned it.

I was secretly hoping that he wasn't in there but at the same time I really wanted to see him again. I wanted him to yell at me for not being able to remember him. I felt like such a failure, I wasn't even willing to try to give us a chance. 

The room was empty. He probably didn't come back home after what happened at the loft. The room was alot like Alec. Simple and black. Way too modern for my liking.

I went through a few things in the room, not even feeling like I was intruding. I made my way to his bed. It smelled like sandalwood. It smelled like _me. _As I sat there, all alone I realized that I missed him.

I felt like I know how it feels like to be with him. To be in the same room as him. I was lost in thought when I noticed a book under the sheets. It was old with ruffled pages and a lot of drawings. The writings were in different languages. It was covered in brown leather and the black lettering had been worn away but the title inside was still very clear. 

**_"City of Enoch"_**


	9. 9. Pursuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut and angst ahead

**M A G N U S**

I carried the old book to the table. I planned to read it from beginning to the end, though it might not be that easy. I had already been here for more than fifteen minutes and soon Isabelle would have come looking for me.

Somehow it felt like this book could hold a lot of answers. Despite not knowing the right question I wanted to ask, it seemed that things might finally start to make sense. I'd heard of the legends before. About Enoch, son of Cain.

_Cain was cursed. It was a result of him murdering his brother Abel and lying to the angel about it. When Cain spilled his brother's blood, the earth became cursed as soon as the blood hit the ground. In a sense, the earth was left drinking his blood. So nature turned against Cain and made him go through the same thing. He had to drink human blood to survive._

_It was a test to redeem himself. He could have saved lives but he did not. He chose to feed on innocent blood. The only person he cared about was his son. Enoch was nothing like Cain. He was good, he reminded him of Abel. Despite everything he did, Cain liked remembering the good moments him and Abel had as children. Which is why he cherished Enoch the most and when he asked him to stop hurting humans, he tried. But soon the hunger and the thirst became too much._

_One night after seeing Enoch to sleep, Cain tried leaving the house to hunt, he was in bad health and was loosing his vision. He didn't realize when Enoch had started following him to the woods. He could only sense human blood so he attacked the first thing he saw. Not knowing that he'd repeated the same mistake once again and lost the only family he had all over again._

_He was so heartbroken that he started looking ways to bring him back. He wanted Enoch to be immortal so he buried him in the same soil where Abel's blood had been shed and called upon the fallen angel Samael. The angel with the desire to show off his power and to make it clear that he answered to no one helped Cain in bringing his son back._

_It was the last straw in creating absolute chaos on earth. Samael was banished from heaven and made king of hell. Naming himself Lucifer._

_Enoch did come back but there was a price to pay. He didn't come back as the son that kept Cain holding onto his humanity. The moment he saw Enoch rise from the earth, he realized that he had lost his brother and his son forever. His soul vacant. After that day the only emotion that resided in Enoch was anger for his father for bringing him back to nothing. He needed to know how to end his life and Cain's along with it._

I was interrupted from my thoughts as I heard someone clearing their throat. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even hear the door being opened. Fortunately it was no other than Raphael. He looked beyond pissed.

"Mind if I come in?"

"Yes."

"Too bad I already am." He mock smiled at me. But his expression faded away as he realized what I was holding.

"Is that what I think it is?" He asked.

"Well that depends on what you think it is." I told him while standing up and walking towards Raphael, still holding the book.

"Izzy is making dinner. She asked me to go check up on you."

"Izzy, huh? So now you are onto nickname bases with her?" I kept smiling like a maniac. I loved teasing Raphael because he only got the chance to do that once in a century. And I could not believe my eyes when I started to see the red colour making its way to Raphael's pale vampire skin. He was blushing...blushing. The way the blood rushed to Raphael's cheeks made my breath stutter a little. Alec's image ran before my eyes, red color rushing to his pale cheeks as he avoided eye contact with me. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Came Raphael's voice, interrupting my thoughts. Drowning in embarrassment of just saying her nickname, Raphael left the room while making sure to thump his feet firmly on the ground. I soon made my way out as well after a few moments. I was still thinking about the memory flash I had as I bumped into someone.

"Magnus?" I recognized Jace's voice due to all the encounters we had had during all the office meetings.

"Jace!" I was quiet happy to see him. It was the same as being around Raphael for some reason and I did trust Jace but by now he probably knew all the glory details about vampirism considering his background with the Morganstern family. Probably the reason why he looked distant. As if not sure that he could trust me.

"Hey, I didn't know you were here."

"I came here to see Isabelle. Hoping it might help me somehow jog my memory?" Jace nodded in understanding. For some reason, he didn't look angry at me and I didn't get to witness any hatred pouring out of his eyes directed towards me for being a bloodthristy vampire, which I'm not, might I add.

The first time I had met him was at a formal dinner hosted by Robert Lightwood celebrating his new partnership with The Bane Enterprises. Jace had been a teenager at that time. It hurt to think of Jace and their lives as they were now. He would have never seen himself hunting vampires alongside his older brother and his former brother in law being one of them.

"Well in that case, let's go join Iz and Alec in the kitchen."

The sound of Alec's name sent familiar feelings of longing through my. body. The moment Alec had left the loft all I could do was crave his presence around me.

"Alexander's here?"

"Yeah man, we just came back."

"From where?"

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Right." I was quiet convinced by now to not ask either Jace or Alec about their whereabouts since all they seemed to be doing these day was rampage around New York trying to drain life from all vampires there were to exist. Some part of me was sure that Alec would never hurt me, but for how long? Soon his hunter instincts will try to take over and no matter how hard he tries, he wouldn't have a choice.

"You know he would never hurt you."

_Yeah right._

"Till when?"

"Huh?"

"I'm not sure if you wanna hear this but trust me, soon Alec won't be in control of who he wants to hurt and whom he doesn't. There are no good and bad vampires for hunters, we're just monsters. He wouldn't have a choice."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

The confusion in Jace's voice sounded suspiscious. Surely he has noticed the changes in Alec's behavior by now? How can he believe that Alec is only going to kill rogue vampires and spare the rest. It would seem that Robert had somehow manipulated them into believing that they weren't going to hurt anyone who is innocent. And soon enough, noone would remain innocent in his eyes. Not that I care, I can very well protect myself.

"I'm sorry, Jace. I think I should leave." I saw no point in trying to argue with Jace. _It's just how things are. It's not like I can blame him, it's who he is. _But the thought still enraged me, to think Alec would someday want to kill me just made me so mad that I was the one losing control over my temper now. _Get a grip,_ _Magnus_.

Jace just returned a nod and with that I left for the kitchen. On my way there I couldn't help notice the library at the end of the corridor. At first the images that room triggered were just a blur but then they started to get clear.

_Alec standing near the fire place, a book in hand._ I had gotten used to my mind playing tricks on me, this wouldn't be the first time I'm hallucinating about Alec but no, this was more than a hallucination, it felt real. Like a memory. I started walking towards the room. Not sure what I might find there, I knocked and saw Alec turn around with the most beautiful smile on his face. On seeing me, he held out his hand gesturing me to enter the room, so I did. But when I tried to hold Alec's hand, I just ended up waving my hand into thin air. Alec wasn't really there.

That's when I saw my own reflection taking Alec's hand and pulling him closer. I just stood there, watching one part of me being with the only person I knew I couldn't be with. All of this had happened before. I felt jealous. Of myself. I felt desperate. _Who am I? What the hell is going on? All these fellings rushing through my body unexplained. What am I supposed to do? Ask for help? Whose help?_ I had Raphael, I was aware. But I just felt so lonely. I didn't know what it was like to stand this close to Alec and look at him smiling but I wanted to find out. _I wanted to be his peace_._ But how can I even think that? When I have Dot? When did I become so pathetic?_ How could I want him and take her for granted?

My heart ached. My stomach churned. I felt guilty, sad, confused. All these emotions I could handle, ignore. What was I supposed to do with the passion, though? A passion that only existed for that one soul I kept on hurting. I was ruining him. The way he left my loft earlier. the pain evident in his eyes, how could I want him knowing I had caused all that pain and misery? 

_I wanted_ _Alec, though. With every bit of my beating heart. I wanted him. Every inch of him._

**A L E C**

After coming back from Magnus' place. I was just so fucking done with everything life was throwing at me. I still cared, after everything he kept putting me through, I was embarassed by the amount of fucks I still gave about that man. Sure, he's the victim. Whatever's happened to him is not his fault. But the way he chooses to ignore everything, ignore me. How was I supposed to deal with that? And Oh My God the amount of desperate I was infront of him, what the hell is wrong with me? Have I no self respect? Fuck it. Fuck everything. 

I entered my room and went straight to take a shower. Here we go again. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Memories. Good memories. Magnus. Taking long showers with him. Having him touch me. _Love_ me. How am I supposed to get over that? I had blood all over my body. I'll admit, spilling vampire blood, feeling no remorse, felt good. Damn good. I rubbed my hands in an attempt to get rid of all the dirt and blood I was covered in. I started rubbing my chest, elbows, neck. And I felt the pressure developing, I was being hard on myself. It hurt. I kept rubbing my hands over my body, there was nothing left to clean. Only my own pathetic existence. I hated myself. I'm strong. I'm a warrior. I got more violent, I kept hurting myself. My head started hurting like a bitch. It felt like someone was hammering my nerves down. My thoughts overwhelmed me. It was like a war going on in my head. 

_This would be Magnus' blood someday. _I'm never going to hurt him._ Oh, yes you are. You know you want to._ I don't. I love him. _Do you, tho? _ Yes. I do. _He loved you too , didn't he? Look where he is now. In Dot's arms. _It's not his fault. He doesn't know what hes's doing. _Oh but you told him. Didn't you? You explained every little detail and what did you get? Nothing. _Shutup._ Shut up._ Stop. _Look at yourself. You're pathetic. Pathetic. Weak. _No! No, Stop. Please. 

I broke down. I dropped to my knees. I cried. I couldn't stop. Weak. _Please. Stop. Help. _Pathetic. 

"Alec?" 

I felt numb. I heard a few knocks on the door, it was Lydia. My eyes were red. I had scratches on my arms. My head hurt. I heard the concern in her voice, she kept calling my name and continously knocked at the door which for the record added to the headache. Anyways, it was getting a little annoying so I got the towel and left the washroom. She was standing outside with her blonde hair open and her grey pantsuit donned. 

"What?" I asked her, annoyed by her existence. I cared about her. I did. I never spoke to anyone like this, I was naturally a nice person. But lately, things were different. I was easily annoyed, constantly rolled my eyes, and mostly horny. For Magnus, by the way. Was it his love that I craved? Yes. More than anything. But was I sexually frustrated? Fuck yes. 

"I heard you screaming so I was just----"

"What, concerned? I appreciate it, Lydia. But now's really not the time for your rainbow stickers and unicorns. Just please, go."

"I just came here to call you for dinner, Alec." She sounded hurt, I wanted to give a fuck. I really did. And deep down I kinda did give a fuck but it was getting seriously hard to do that when she constantly looked like she was going to end up crying, she was strong, I'll admit. 

_"Unlike you." Came the voice inside my head._ Great, I wanted to cry too now. 

She turned around to leave and I grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back. I looked her dead in the eyes and saw the vulnerability reflecting through them. Some part of me wanted to take advantage of that. I mean, there was a time when we were engaged to be married. We were in love. We still are. She with me. I, with Magnus, ofcourse. 

_What? You're going to use her feelings for you and get her to sleep with you because you can't control yourself? This is what you've become? You're going to objectify your friend? _ Yes, maybe. If it suits me. _What is wrong with you?_

"Alec?" She spoke, I was knocked out of the trans I was in and the sudden rush of guilt coursed through my veins as I immediately left her hand and stepped back. She didn't say anything more and came forward, she took my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. As if she understood, and then she hugged me. I didn't feel so alone anymore. 

Maybe it was the screaming, or the way my eyes looked, perhaps she took pity on me. Either way, I liked this. In a platonic sort of way? Not so sure about that. 

I think it's fair to point out that I was only wearing a towel and that I was partially naked. The hug wasn't that long and it was about to end when the voice of the door being opened came and there stood Magnus. By the looks of it, Magnus didn't find the hug so innocent or decent so he just apologized for barging into my room uninvited and left. Now, I shouldn't have been bothered by the disappointment and hurt radiating off of him, but I loved that asshole. So I pulled up my sweatpants and a t shirt on with water still dripping on my body and followed him like the loser I was.

I wanted to be selfish, wanted to remind myself that I don't owe him any explanations what so ever, I wasn't even doing anything. But I knew the amount of possessive Magnus was and his memory loss clearly didn't change that. I called out his name, he was walking really fast and it was kinda dumb that he didn't use his vamp speed and just disappeared, the asshole wanted me to follow him. Wanted an explanation. That prick. 

He took a turn and went inside the library, not a smart move. I went inside, cornered him and locked the door behind me. He was facing the other way until I grabbed his arm and yanked him around. 

"Why are you here?" I didn't intend on sounding that harsh but the way Magnus' eyes blazed back at me and the energy it shot towards my dick, it felt worth it. 

"Don't ever touch me like that again," he spat. _Cute. _I rolled my eyes and dropped my hand. I honestly had no clue at this point about what was going on in anyones head. Hell, I didn't even know what was going on in my own head. Not eight hours ago, the same guy that pretty much kicked me out of his loft after I beared my heart and soul about how much I wanted to be with him was now posing explicit threats at me, standing in my own library, apparently jealous of someone I was not even remotely attracted towards.

"Not that I owe you an explanation." 

Magnus eyed me up and down, fire in his eyes. God I wanted him to take me, fuck me. Hold me? Whatever form of affection he was willing to give, I would've taken. _Pathetic._

He kept looking at the door probably wishing he could leave and never come back but the thing is, if he wanted to leave, he would've. He's a frickin vampire. Before I could say something more, rather harsh words escaped Magnu's mouth. 

"Are you fucking her? I bet you're throwing it to her. You couldn't wait two weeks?!" 

He regretted his tone, it was obvious. But the stubborn bastard kept his ground, glared at me and didn't back down. Demanding. 

I straightened with a wince.

"Who I fuck is no longer your concern, just like who you fuck isn't mine," I spat. Not sure where this sudden hostility between us was coming from.  
I think I saw pain in his eyes, hurt, but he blinked and it disappeared. 

**M A G N U S **

"I gave you more of me than I ever thought I could. All you did was ask me to leave, Magnus." All anger gone from his voice, there was only hopelessness left in those words.

"All I thought about was forever. With you. And you, Magnus? Do you think about me, at all? Or is it all about your beloved Dorothia?" I looked at him dead in the eyes, not giving out a single emotion.

"Don't bring her into this," I said. 

"Do you think about me?" Alec stepped forward with every word, voice dangerously low. I stepped until my back was against the wall and he was only a few steps away.

"Do you?!" 

"Yes." I couldn't look at Alec. But I could feel the smug expression on his face. Dropping his voice to a thread of a sound, he kept walking towards me until our faces were mere inches apart.

"Because I think about you," he whispered.

"And I remember us. Your touch, I still feel it in my bones. Every inch of my body is laced with memories of you. I need to feel this, Magnus." 

He took a hold of my neck and stroked my lips with his thumb. My vision went blur, I dug my nails into my fists, struggling to hold onto something before I grabbed Alec. No, this is wrong. I need to stop? This isn't why I went to see him, I wanted to talk to him, apologize for earlier. But this, this was more. So much more. And I knew I wouldn't be able to stop if this went on for even a minute longer. Because the need. The need I had for him. The need to fuck him into place, make him forget his own name, remind him that he's mine, pound into him until it's the only truth he knows anymore. It was too much, and I was but a vampire and he was my hunter. Things like me belonged in a cage.

I tried to push him away. "Alec, stop- wait--"

"Shhh." He silenced my with his finger on my lips and came dangerously close to me. His lips almost touching mine, he looked me dead in the eyes.

Alec stepped back removing his finger from my lips and I almost sobbed at the lost of contact. I _froze_ at the sight infront of me. Alec unbuttening his shirt from the top. He tilted his head to the left and took my hand, making me stroke his neck. Love bites all over him. Marks that I had left, close to disappearing but still visible. He was clearly enjoying this, the way he smirked, the way he bit his lips and stared into my eyes with that innocent look, as if he wasn't doing anything at all.

He grabbed my face gently and started rubbing our cheeks together before planting tiny kisses along my jaw, journeying to my ear.

My eyes shut. This needs to stop, I told myself. Dot's voice echoed in my head but it all faded away when he took a hold of my throat and almost choked me. Fuck. It felt like heaven.

I stepped forward and ghosted the pad of one finger to Alec's bottom lip. "I've been thinking about you, about this. Damn it, Alec."

The words tumbled from my lips. "Just once. To know what it's like. What you taste like."

Alec's eyes darkened. "Maybe then I'll be able to forget you." 

Alec arched an eyebrow and pulled me in by the waist. "You think it's that simple?!"

The desire in Alec's voice was too much to bear and not quiet enough. Our lips mere inches apart and I was giving in. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to Alec's.

We froze in place. Until he parted his lips and I dove in. Hungry and rushed and wet. We ate at each other's mouths, tongues twisting, teeth banging against each other. A harsh sound left my mouth as I grabbed his jacket, pulling him closer. He broke the kiss. Moving his mouth to my ear, nipping at my earlobe.

He whispered, "Where is she? While you're here kissing me?"

I chased after him, brain fogged with lust, desire and alot more than I could explain.

I couldn't stop. I needed this. Not from anyone, but from Alec. 

My phone went off displaying Raphael's number. Alec stepped back, daring me to take the call. Both of us stared at each other until I gave up and turned my phone off and put it back in my pocket.

"Good." Came his dark voice. Something was different about him. He didn't look like the sweet man that kissed me in the hospital.

He sank his fingers in my hair pulling me in by my collar and held me steady, kissing me deep until I jerked away.

"Are you sleeping with her?" I asked him, knowing I had no right to. He jerked away too.

"So you didn't sleep with Dot?" Pain laced in his voice. I didn't say anything. That gave him the answer he was looking for.

"It's never going to be me again, is it? " He started walking backwards shaking his head and letting out a harsh chuckle, the tears in his eys threatening to fall.

The hurt boiling in my stomach from thinking someone else had touched him the way he did just now was too much to bear. The rage it left through me, I wanted to pull Lydia's heart out and feed it to him. And then there was the sadness in Alec's eyes and I knew I was the reason. He was on the verge of breaking and I knew the only way he is going to be broken would be with me inside him, fillling him up.

So I grabbed him by his hair and yanked his head backwards, taking his mouth in a harsh possession, forcing my tongue inside when the man in my arms whimpered. _Mine. _

Alec shuddered, hands pushing me away but lips and tongue pulling me in. I kissed him until my chest burned from the lack of oxygen. I wanted to make it clear that it's always been him. Yes, I slept with Dot but only because I wanted to remove Alec's essence from my body. Because, Alec was there. With every breath I took, _he was there. _I had fucked Dot, wishing it had been Alec spread out beaneath me instead.

Our hips rocked into each other, cocks straining, rubbing as I inserted a thigh between his legs. He whimpered, his body arching as he moved on my thigh, his movements fluid and sensual. All the pain and betrayal of the past two weeks faded to a dull memory in the background. My cock was hard and it needed to be home. Engulfed between his walls.

I broke the kiss and shoved my fingers down his throat as he sucked them eagerly. He pulled away, tore my shirt off and dragged his tongue over my bare chest. I threw my head back, shuddering at the wet heat of his kisses. Fingers fumbled at my crotch, grazing my painful erection as he unzipped me slowly.

I looked down. Molten eyes stared up at me as sure fingers grabbed my erection and squeezed.

"Alexander," I moaned.

He closed his eyes as if trying to savor the sound of something. Pupils dilated, lips parted, he dropped to his knees and tugged my throbbing dick.

"It's been too long, Mags. _Way too long._ " His voice was deep.

"I need you. I need your hands all over me. Your skin on my skin." A thumb brushed over my slit, smearing pre-cum around my crown.

"Al-Alexander..." I whispered the name and cupped his jaw. He stared into my eyes, silently begging to taste me.

I wanted to scream at the thought of not being able to kiss him again. I watched as he bent and took me to the back of his throat with one swallow. "God!" I gripped onto my own hair for balance. He sucked me like he'd been starving. His tongue flicking over and dipping into my slit over and over again. I thrust into his mouth, grunting at the wet slide of tongue and the tiny graze of teeth. My heavy balls ached, fire singed my skin.

"Please. Alexander." He stroked while he sucked, moaning around my cock. The vibrations shook me. I had to cover my mouth with one hand, the other I used to grab the back of Alec's head, moving it up and down on me. His mouth disappered. 

"Babe." He said. My throat tightend.

"Put your leg on my shoulder." My breath faltered but I did as I'd been ordered and draped my left leg over his right shoulder. He dove in, taking the first and then the other of my balls into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it and sucking. 

"Oh my...fuck!" I panted. 

"You're killing me." In response, he flicked his tongue over the area between balls and ass.

My entire body clenched. My chest constricted. He nuzzled my balls then pushed his stiffened tongue into my fluttering hole. He hissed. Fingers sank into my ass cheeks and pulled them apart. I squeezed my eyes shut as he worked my hole, licking, sucking until the muscle relaxed, then thrust inside.

"Shit. Shit." I couldn't think._ Should I be needing this, welcoming this so much?_ A finger pushed into me, sinking deep and touching something inside me. I cried out, body jerking. Another finger pushed inside. Then another. Three digits sank deep, stretching, burning. The pain brought pleasure and I welcomed it, contracting around those fingers with a guttural moan.

"Mags!" Alec almost _sobbed_, taking in the scent of my precum. This was a drug. And we were addicted.

"Fuck, you feel so good... baby...shit!" I looked down, holding his heavy-lidded gaze as I tightened my grip in his hair and lifted off those fingers stretching me and sank back down, treacherously slow. A plaintive moan fell from my lips. He hissed. The fingers inside me flexed.

I lifted off again and slammed down this time. "God." My eyes watered at the burn, but I repeated the movement. This time Alec thrust up as I bore down, bruising that place inside me.

"God." Stars blinded me as the orgasm hit, swamping my senses. I writhed on Alec's fingers, ass clenching wildly.

"Fuck. Fuck." Alec didn't stop, he kept massaging and pressing that sweet spot as streams of cum shot from me. "Yes. Yes. Yes, Fuck! Mags, Give it to me." My lungs burned at how sinful he sounded, how much of a good boy he was for me. I rode the climax until those magic fingers slipped from me. I lowered my stiff leg from Alec's shoulder. I sunk to the floor hauling Alec into my arms.

"Alec." 

"Yes, Magnus?" He looked up and placed a soft kiss on my lips until I jerked away.

"I don't love you." _What am I saying? What is wrong with me? No. I do. Wait._

"Excuse me?" I stood up and grabbed my clothes yanking them on. _Come on, you asshole. Stop hurting him. Stop torturing yourself. Stay with him. but I couldn;t I just couldn;t. I dont know why, something was pulling me away from him and I couldn't resist it anymore._

"Are you just going to pretend nothing happened between us?" Alec's voice was tough but he was breaking down.

"That was probably a mistake and I----" Alec scrambled to his feet. "You what?"

"I love Dot." _No. Help me._

Something flashed in Alec's eyes. "Are you telling me that or forcing yourself to believe those words?"

"Raphael's waiting for me downstairs Alec, he's probably called me a thousand times and Isabelle will be wondering where I am. I left an hour and a half ago telling her I needed to use the restroom." He grabbed my hand and pulled me in, we were both fully dressed, our ruffled hair and swollen lips the only evidence of what had transpired moments ago.

"Why are you doing this?" He said, his voice suddenly detached of all emotions. "For starters, I'm in love with Dot!" I taunted but couldn't meet his eyes.

He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, exposing my long, graceful neck. Anger finally taking hold of him.

"You think you can make me your little mistress? You'll always have Dot so you just need a young, ignorant boy to prey on-" I interrupted his words by pushing him away. My expression was of pure hatred- not for Alec but toward Alec's words. "I'm not some sick pedophile, Alexander." I spat. Deep down, begging.

"Oh yeah? How old were you again?" Alec snapped again. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched; he looked so angry that I felt like he could breathe fire.

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Alexander. I'm leaving."

"Make sure you never come back."


	10. 10. When Alec Met Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A peak into the past. When Alec first met Magnus, where it all started.

_June 2005._

_It had been six months since Max's death but that night and everything that happened kept replaying in Alec's head. He would still hear his screams every single day. Every moment passing by was a reminder that he didn't deserve this life. It should've been him instead. What was he supposed to tell the police? That he saw fangs and glowing eyes? Robert had asked him time and time again if he'd seen somthing he couldn't explain, as if urging him to admit to his insanity. Standing on the Brooklyn bridge, all alone, the darkness consuming him, all he could think about was this being his last day. But that's when he saw him. The most beautiful person there was to exist. Standing at the far end of the bridge, he looked like he was about to, jump? Was he as hopeless as him? Had he lost someone he loved too? Alec felt the need, the desire, running through every inch of his body. The need to go up to the man with that glowing skin that hinted his asian descent. Before he could process his thoughts, he felt his steps already moving towards the direction of that man. _

_"What do you think you're doing?!" He asked him. The man turned around_ _ and _ _he was breathtaking. He looked slightly annoyed but it didn't change how beautiful he was. _   
_"Back off, kid." He spat. Yes, that was rude but he looked more hurt than mad or pissed. The venom in his voice didn't feel like it was directed towards Alec. _

_"Kid? You don't look too old yourself." Alec replied, defending his honor and trying to sound as manly and dominant as humanly possible. _   
_"Look kid-", The man started, more emphasis on 'kid'. Alec rolled his eyes. "-I dont have time for this."_   
_"If you jump, you won't have time for just about anything."_   
_"Humans." He muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. _   
_"Look kid, I am in the middle of something really important had it occured to you and something none of your concern, might I add."_

_"You may, not. I'm a citizen and it is my prime duty to protect my fellow citizens so I suggest you come down or I'm coming there." Alec couldn't fathom how stupid this man was for even thinking about ending his life, how could he do that to him? He wasn't making any sense right now, yes. They had met not thirty seconds ago but something kept screaming at him that they belonged together. _

_"And why would you do that?" The man asked, genuinely confused. Alec rolled his eyes for the hundredth time before replying. _   
_"I did just explain it to you."_   
_"Right, fellow citizens and prime duties. Well, I regret to inform you that I'm not from around here, you're free of my responsibility, you may leave." He replied waving his hands around as if shoo-ing Alec away and gave him a stupid smirk, it was more of a smile, he looked genuinely happy but Alec was too mesmerised by the way his lips moved to actually process the words coming out from the other man's mouth. _   
_"You're still a human being and-" _   
_"-and you have a duty to protect and help all of them?" The man _ _asked in utter disbelief._   
_"Yes?"_   
_The man_ _ came down, finally. Alec breathed a sigh of relief. _   
_"What's your name, pretty boy?" The man was smiling and the hurt that was there a few moments ago was gone. Alec blushed at being called a 'pretty boy' and started to look around for help. _   
_"Umm..M-Me?" _   
_"Do you see any other pretty boys around here?" _   
_"I see none at all." Alec huffed. Sure, girls liked Alec but he never craved any kind of attention so after a while they stopped trying to hit on him. Especially in the last six months, he'd gone from the tall hot boy to the depressed brother of the dead kid. _

_"Alec." He said nervously, looking at his feet and curling his fingers together, not meeting the other man's eyes._   
_"Huh?"_   
_"My name...It's A-Alec." And then he looked up to see the stranger beaming the most beautiful smile. _   
_"Magnus."_

_"Pleasure to meet you?"_  
_"I wish I could say the same but you interrupted me at very busy hours, my dear." _  
_"Should I be insulted by that?"_  
_"No, I love being interrupted when I'm doing important stuff.__"_ _Magnus deadpanned. _  
_"So, Alec? Short for Alexander?__" _

_"Yes, but no one really calls me that."_   
_"Well, that changes now."_   
_"It's a bit long don't you think?"_   
_"And don't I just love long things..."_ _ Magnus eyed him up and down._   
_By now, Alec had turned into a crimson strawberry. Blushing at every one of Magnus' words for no particular reason. Apparently, they were...flirting? The idea was a bit foreign to Alec but he certainly loved it. _   
_"Are you? Ummm....like? Flirtingwithme?"_   
_"I don't know, maybe I am."_   
_The shade of red rising from the back of his neck was more a cause of the thoughts lingering at the back of Alec's mind about how beautiful Magnus was and how kind he seemed. For some reason, he knew he could trust Magnus. But he was embarrassed nonetheless. _

_Magnus noticed the sudden change in color of Alec's pale skin and mistook his shyness for... discomfort. Perhaps the hazel eyed boy wasn't interested? _   
_Not wanting to cause any trouble, Magnus decided to leave. _   
_"Okay, well I should leave." _

_The moment those words left his mouth though, Alec snapped his head up and looked at Magnus, with longing in his eyes since he was the only thing holding Alec in place at the moment._   
_"What's the hurry?!"_   
_"It's literally 2 am Alexander, and you are but a kid. You should go home and I should leave you to it." With that Magnus gave him an assuring smile and started to walk but Alec, not wanting to him to leave just yet, tried making a conversation and started walking after him._   
_"What were you doing here in the first place?" _   
_Magnus turned around to see Alec following behind with hands in his pockets. He looked adorable and Magnus couldn't help but smile. He found the boy surprisingly, cute. It had been a long, very long time since Magnus had allowed himself to look at someone and actually look at them. Instead of wondering if the other guy was a top or a bottom and if a girl, how big her boobs were, Magnus was actually paying attention to Alec and not just his body. _

_"I could ask you the same thing."_   
_"What did it look like I was doing?" _   
_"Are you always as cryptic?"_   
_"I'm not being cryptic, I'm being coy."_   
_"For a sixteen year old you do have a pretty good vocabulary."_   
_"What makes you think I'm sixteen?"_   
_"You're a kid."_   
_"And how old are you, old man?"_   
_"For starters, definitely older than you."_   
_"Right. And then they say, I'M cryptic."_

_Magnus couldn't help the glances he kept throwing the pretty boy's way. And he almost choked on his own words when he noticed he was...stuttering_ _!_   
_"Well...so, do you uhh...maybe..like, wantaridehome?"_   
_"What?" Alec replied, raising an eyebrow. _   
_"You shouldn't be out on your own?" Was Magnus really...nervous? This can't be happening. Alec smirked. Magnus, feeling the need to explain himself a little more, added. _   
_"I'm just trying to help a fellow citizen." And Alec just couldn't help the smirk on his face that kept growing. Having no clue where all this confidence was coming from._   
_"Okay."_   
_"Okay?" _   
_"Okay."_   
_"Okay." _   
_"Yes. Magnus, Okay!"_ _ Alec started walking, still smiling for no apparent reason. But he just couldn't help feeling, giddy. He just had that effect on him._   
_Magnus, clea_ _rly still confused as to why Alec agreed on going with him, started walking behind him. _   
_"So you're agreeing?"_   
_"Yes, Magnus."_

_Of course Magnus was confused. People didn't trust him. They didn't like him and they definitely were never nice to him. So, knotting his eyebrows in confusion and still oblivious to why this beautiful boy had trusted him to return him home safe, he gave the boy a chance to back out._

_"That could prove to be quiet dangerous Alexander, you need to be more careful. I could be a serial killer."_

_Alec, still walking with his head down decided to turn around and stop. He felt confused because Yes, Magnus could definitely be a serial killer. But he still wanted to spend as much time as he could with the man. So no matter where the night took him, and stupid as it sounded that day, and today. There's no one Alec would rather be with._

_"I trust you, I don't know why but I do." _   
_Magnus_ _ didn't know if it was Alec's innocence, his smile, his blush or the sincerity in those words but they were definitely doing something to him. _

_"You've known me five minutes, Alexander. You can't trust people like that."_   
_"But I am trusting you. Just accept it."_   
_"I could still be a serial killer."_   
_"For a serial killer, don't you think you're too.....glittery?"_   
_"Should I be insulted by that?"_   
_"No!" Alec replied with an enthusiasm having no idea where it came from. _

_Magnus, clearly dumbfounded as to how adorable Alec looked, raised an eyebrow encouraging the boy to continue._   
_"No I mean...I, umm...uh...love? Glitter-"_   
_"LikenotreallybutIcouldgetusedtoit." Alec said. Praying to all gods Magnus didn't actually catch up to what he said. It was embarrassing. Who the fuck wants to get used to someone's glitter after five minutes of meeting them? Okay maybe it wasn't that bad but come on, everything embarrassed Alec. And the gods were clearly being really rude._

_"My my, Alexander. Already getting used to eachother, are we?!" _   
_Alec blushing madly, turned around and started walking with a speed he didn't know he could conjure and while thumping his feet firmly to the ground walked to the end of the bridge and turned left. _

_"Alexander! My car's on the right. Or did you change your mind about the ride home?" _

_With that, Alec turned to right as fast as he could. And the hearts that were balling out of Magnus' eyes were not hard to miss. _


	11. 11. Slumber Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead

**M A G N U S**

I left Alec alone in the bedroom and rushed downstairs, I wanted to go back, to hold _my _Alexander and the burning need to grab and fuck him senseless was still there. But everytime I got close to him, something very dark, something I had buried so deep, just snapped out of me. All I wanted to do was turn around and go back to the only person I gave a fuck about but I just couldn't. The moment we got close enough, the mark on the back of my neck started to burn. The pain was too much, more than I could endure every day. But when I'd kissed him, it went away. _Maybe, it's the need? The need to be there for him, the need to stay the hell away from Dot, the need to snap someone's neck, anyone who dared touches Alec. _Right now, that person was Lydia. I felt like a complete asshole._ What am I doing? _In the long term, being with Dot was a solid parternship and the smart choice to make. Even though I had no fucking clue how we got there in the first place. But If I mate with a Blackwell witch, that would work in both of their best interests, for crying out loud, Alec is a hunter! _He's supposed to put people like me away._

I made my way outside in the gardens where Raphael's text said he'd be along with Iz and Jace. They were all sitting on the grass. Jace's fiancée, Clary was there too. She was always a sweetheart, I knew her mother Joclyn when she was pregnant with Clary. She was aware of alot of things, she was fierce, brave and smart but she fell in love with the wrong person. Growing up, Clary had looked up to me as an older brother, she'd always wished for one. I guess it really is true, you should be careful what you wish for.

I didn't expect to see Sebastian Morganstern walking up to them with that smug expression he always wore. He was tall and muscular and had a slightly slender frame. He had platinum blondhair, which gave his pale skin some color, and very.... very dark, black eyes. Pale, restless face with high cheekbones. Sebastian also inherited slender, graceful hands, and long eyelashes. In short, anything but attractive.

Even though he wasn't twenty-eight, yet. He knew almost everything there was to know about supernatural beings, perks of being Valentine Morganstern's son.

_What is he even doing here?_

He wasn't alone, he was with another boy. A tall, brown-skinned rocker boy with long, dark hair that tumbled over his forehead and down his neck in curls, and had long, thick eyelashes. He was broad-shouldered and slim, but muscular and startling hazel-green eyes. Both of them walked up to the others and sat on the grass, Sebastian next to Isabelle and the other guy at his side. I finally made my way to them and sat next to Sebastian.

They'd probably been wondering where the hell I'd been for the past hour in this house, that doesn't belong to me. My ruffled hair and swollen lips might have given them an idea though. Which is probably why Isabelle didn't say anything. Raphael just rolled his eyes. 

"Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there." I taunted and guess what Raphael did? He rolled his eyes yet again. I was already annoyed and aggravated, whatever had just happened was alot to take in and frankly, I had no idea how to deal with it. 

Clary took this moment to get up and introduce us to this other girl who walked in with Clary's bestfriend, Simon. The girl called Maia looked annoyed and well, alot like Raphael.  
Simon sat next to Clary.

_W__hat_ is _this? A slumber party?_

"Magnus! My man, long time no see?" He looked rather... excited and sure he was really nice and cute and... small but I had no idea how I was supposed to know him.

The boy who came with Sebastian earlier, was called Jordan. Jordan Kyle.

Now that all of them were sitting on the grass and I had no idea why because I wanted to do nothing more than return to my loft but apparently Raphael didn't want to leave yet. Talk about being smart and perceptive.

So here we were, making small talk about how sorry Sebastian was for myself and Alec but something told me that he was anything but sorry.

And how Robert thought it would be a good idea to have all his kids together for the night so he invited Sebastian who brought his bestfriend, Jordan. And Clary invited her bestfriend, Simon who brought Maia, his co worker. That's how twenty to thirty minutes passed when the man of the hour, Alec Lightwood walked in with his beloved Lydia looking like a sex god.

I didn't get it, all the mixed feelings. _I don't love him. I don't need a map to leave his gorgeous eyes. I simply do not have any feelings for him. Which is why I let him deep throat me? What is wrong with me? I say I don't love him yet everytime he enters a room all I can think about is ripping his clothes off. But that's not all, I want to be able to look at him and take care of him and make him dinner... Shut up!_

So he walks in with his breathtaking smile, looking all dressed up, even though he's not exactly dressed up but whatever and expects me to not feel... things? That's his problem. Not mine. _But Sebastian's hot too and I'm not some vampire in heat, why can't I have these feelings for someone else? Anyone but him._

The fact that Alec looked completely unfazed about what happened between us and now he was all smiles walking up to them with _her, _enraged me. No, I wasn't jealous.

_No, I'm not._

But I still felt like I should be the one walking alongside him.

_Just shut up, Magnus._

Apparently, I wasn't the only one effected by Alec's presence. But someone else, like Sebastian went from all smiles to blank faced in a matter of seconds the moment Alec walked in with Lydia and sat opposite to Sebastian and me.

I couldn't help the want and the desire to get up and sit between him and Lydia or just rip her throat off and to top that up, Sebastian was literally undressing Alec with his eyes. _How dare he?! _And Alec, not even sparing me a glance.

_Can you blame him? After everything you just put him through? My head hurt. The mark on my back burned as soon as he entered the room and i should've left but no way in hell was I leaving Alec with Lydia and Sebastian._

In short, this whole friends bonding session was going completely against me. My own bestfriend had the expression of a thirteen year old girl who just had her first crush. And then there were Jace and Clary and Simon and Maia who were talking about nothing in particular but then there was Jordan, who was taking quite an interest in Maia. But then there was Sebastian, sending death glares towards both me and Lydia.

_Likewise._

And just when I thought the night couldn't get any worse, "So how about a game of truth or dare?" Simon just had to suggest something like that.

The rules were simple. You answer the truth and you do the dare, if you can't, you take a shot. So basically, I realised that the game wasn't so bad in the end. I just had to get drunk

"I'll go first!" Clary shouted like a child, bringing out a bottle and spinning it before anyone could protest. It landed on Jace and she called out 'Truth or Dare!'

The game started off easy. Jace chose truth. "Who did you lose your virginity to?" She asked. Making everyone else cringe and a smirk to spreak across Jace's lips. "This girl called Kaelie."

"Where did you guys meet?"

  
Jace looked at Alec before meeting Clary's eyes. "You only get one question."

  
"Buzzkill."

The game was going pretty smooth and Magnus was starting to feel a bit more comfortable. The bottle spinned again and now it was Maia's turn. Simon was half way his question when Jordan interrupted him, "Are you seeing someone at the moment?" _That was quick._Maia raised an eyebrow at that and clearly looked annoyed by everything in general but replied anyways. "I am." Jordan seemed rather dishearted at the reply but decided to let it pass and gave a clearly forced smile. With that, the game continued.

Then came my turn and Sebastian being the little prick he was asked, "Truth or dare, Magnus?"

"Truth."

"So, how many men have you slept with?" His eyes daunting.  
"Today or like, in general? Either way, as many as I wanted." I replied. Alec's eyes shifted towards me, interest and anger laced in them. Good. 

The game went nice untill Lydia thought it was a good idea to dare Alec to 'Kiss someone from the room.' The hint of hope in Lydia's eyes made me want to tear them off but I mentained my calm. My eyes meeting Alec's for only a second before he got up and started making his way towards me. _Is he seriously going to kiss...me?_

**A L E C**

The moment Lydia had dared me to kiss 'someone' from the room, my eyes had went straight to Magnus. But I suppose that was not an option anymore and it would never be one. But I couldn't stop my feet. What I felt for Magnus was _beyond_ love. 

I could've kissed Lydia but I didn't want to lead her on even if it was just for a game. So I did the only thing I could think of.

I walked forward and bent down, cupping the other man's face in my hands and brought our lips close looking straight into his eyes and found something I had _never_ noticed before in those green orbs. Maybe I had never paid enough attention but now that I allowed myself to look at the other man for a brief moment, I saw how blissed out he look when I ran my fingers along his cheekbones. The look in his eyes was of pure desire. _For me?_

Not being able to wait anymore _Sebastian_ leaned in and kissed me. The kiss started off innocent but soon turned into alot more in a matter of seconds, he took a hold of my neck and pulled me closer. This wasn't an attempt to make Magnus jealous. I wanted to kiss him but after everything he just did, after he made me feel used? How could I? Dont I get to put mysef first for once in my life? And what's all the fuss about, its just a stupid game. 

But the kiss, it meant something. Not for me, but for Sebastian. And by the looks of it, it meant alot. When we pulled away, Sebastian looked flustered but his eyes gave away nothing. He looked into my eyes for a brief moment but quickly started shifting his gaze. I didn't think much of it and everyone was clearly staring at me. But I didn't dare look at Magnus. But I could feel his gaze on me and it felt like I was burning up. I felt sick and I hated myself for allowing someone else to touch me. _Pathetic._

After a couple of more shots and awkward glances here and there, do you know the worst thing that happened that lead to alot more worst things for me? We ran out of wine. So Izzy asked me to get it from the cellar and that was completely fine because I had managed to avoid Magnus through that all but it wasn't possible anymore. It sucked, hating Magnus for what he just did to me and still feeling so obligated to him. Like he owned me. And some fucked up party of me liked it, got off on it, that I belonged to him and no matter what he did to me, it wouldn't change that. _Weak._

  
"I'll help you with that." Magnus' voice came from the back as I started walking towards the cellar and I would have refused him but then it was a pretty bad idea to look staright into Magnus' eyes and see the look of warning that he wasn't asking for permission. So I crossed the garden with Magnus following behind with hands in his pocket and walking with that cat-like grace of his. 

He looked magnificent and he looked _furious_.

  
**M A G N U S**

I couldn't breathe. Pain bloomed in my chest and I tried to stifle my hurt by biting on my fist. The thoughts going on in my head were nothing but pure selfishness. How could I even expect Alec to trust me again? To even want me in the same room as him. It's for the best. He kissed Sebastian, he clearly liked it. I have Dot. It's okay. We should probably just forget whatever happened between us and move on. This is exactly what I wanted to tell him when I followed him to the wine cellar. But the thought of that little shit putting his hands anywhere near Alec was nauseating to me and I couldn't bear it. Some dark part of me wanted to take it out on Alec. It should have been me. Why the fuck didn't he just kiss _me? _

_Because I made him feel used._

I need to let him go. This needs to end right here. He deserves a life of his own. So, I entered the cellar with Alec already in there and slammed the door shut. He turned his head around when he heard the door behind him, he saw me staring at him, his eyes dark and dangerous and vulnerable.

_I need to keep my cool, I need to apologize for whatever happened and then I need to go. Yes. I contemplated. _

_No. Roared the predator with in me. _

"What the fuck was that?!" I snapped and Alec huffed unimpressed and turned his head away. He started walking forward, looking through the shelves stored with loads of rich wine.

"Look at me when I talk to you."

  
Alec ignored me and continued to look forward. A few moments passed and to keep things light he turned around with two bottles of champagne and moved past me. He was about to turn the door knob when I called out his name. I didn't feel in control anymore. The only thought that surged through me was that Alec is mine and I need to fucking remind him. How dare he even look at someone else? First, Lydia. And this? Hell, no.

"Alexander," I threatened.

"What?"

"This is not fair to me."

Both of us were on opposite ends of the room, faced away from eachother. I could see him getting angrier and impatient. Who was I to talk about being fair?

"Not fair to you?" Alec asked, amused. I raised an eyebrow at Alec's harsh chuckle. Alec turned around to look at me, he clearly couldn't stand my guts anymore. He marched forward until we were only inches apart and cupped my cheek, giving me an innocent smile.

"You know, it's cute how you manage to make everything about yourself."

His grip got tighter to the point he could easily break my jaw and a part of me couldn't help but feel _afraid_ of him. But the heat boiling up in my body told otherwise. I liked this side of Alec. The side that wanted to hurt him?  
_No_. _The darker side. The selfish side. The side that told me that we were the same. I wanted to hurt him. I did. But I got high on the idea that he was strong enough to hurt me back and still took it. Because we belonged. Isn't that what I was doing too?_

"Alexander..." The grip Alec had on me made my eyes water. I could easily have gotten rid of the force being applied on me, I was a lot stronger than any hunter. But I didn't want to. I liked this.

Alec pressed our foreheads together and I did nothing to stop him. I gave in. How could I not? We looked at eachother, really looked. And the way his eyes made me feel. Damn. It fed my insanity. Our lips joined and we kissed. Soft, slow, passionate, desperate. Withering and moaning. 

There was no guilt. Or regret. Just love. Just them. Just me and Alexander.

I felt dizzy. I _couldn't_ bear the thought of not being close to him. I kept pulling him closer. Knotting my fingers in Alec's hair and kissing him senseless. Couldn't stop thinking how I would mark every inch of Alec's body as mine. Not sparing a moment to breathe until Alec moved his lips towards my neck and started sucking on my collarbone. I couldn't help but moan and beg for more, more, more. That's when the lights started to flicker and my head began to spin. The room went dark, only the moon light slightly illuminating the room.

Enough to see the dark look in Alec's eyes. Enough to know that he wouldn't let him go any sooner and I never wanted to leave. We didn't break apart. Pulled at eachother's hair. Alec kissed me relentlessly until blue sparks began to rise from Alec's hands and my fangs appeared. We were losing control. Neither one of us wanted to stop. That's when it started to come back. The sound of Alec's voice. The feel of his touch.

_"My name...It's A-Alec."_

_"Well for starters, I'm in love with you!"_

My breathing became laboured. I couldn't control my thoughts, my feelings. The voices in my head. I just couldn't let go of Alec. But this was too much. Were those memory fragments? I pulled back only to hear Alec's silent whimper that made me lose composure all over again.

_"For a serial killer you're way too glittery...."_

_"..I'm a fellow citizen."_

Memories. Falling in love. It hurts. At least I owed Dot an explanation. I pushed Alec back, tried to clear my head. It was all too rushed. The feelings I held for Alec shouldn't be handled like this. We should talk. I need help. 

The lights came back. And Alec was there. Looking like the absolute definition of sin. I backed away. Cursing myself for using him like this. This wasn't fair to either one of us. 

Alec stood tall infront of me. Arms folded over his chest.

"I can't do this." It hurt to say something like that after what we had just experienced but what hurt even more was the quick nod Alec gave me before turning to leave. Was it that easy for him?

"You know I don't deserve this. Alexander!" I called out for him. I couldn't let him leave. I couldn't be away from him. I wanted to take things slow, I did. Not like this.

Alec clenched his eyes shut and turned around to look at me. He marched back to me, keeping a short distance between them.

"Why don't you tell me what you _deserve_ then?

"Alexander..."

"What about what I deserve?!"

"Oh yeah? And I'm the one who always manages to make everything about himself?!"

Alec rolled his eyes. We were almost yelling at eachother and the fact that both of us were still _really hard_ for eachother wasn't helping.

"You can't make up your fucking mind!"

"You're right, Alexander. I can't! I despise every moment I spend not being with you. But what am I to make of this? I have memories of being in love with Dot and I have voices screaming that I need you, that I can't live without you. I'm losing it. I know I'm in love with Dot but I don't fucking feel it. I don't know you, Alec. I don't. How can I love you either?!"

"Uh-huh. Why can't you just let me leave then? Why do you keep coming back?!"

"How can I not?!"

"You know what, I can't handle this."

"You're a coward."

"Excuse me?!"

"Do you have any idea how hard all of this has been for me?! I wake up to a hospital bed having no fucking clue why you were kissing me to feeling like crap every other day. It's guilt. You think this is what I want?!"

"I don't know what you want!"

"Makes the two of us! But the moment it gets too hard for you, you're just gonna walk away?! This is your love? This is you not giving up on me?!"

Alec looked frustrated, tired and trapped. Maybe it was the anger, the magic or the lust. He grabbed me by my collar and shoved me closer glaring into my eyes.

"I would never walk away from you," He spat. 

"I don't know what this is, Alexander-" My voice had dropped to a whisper. I didn't meet Alec's eyes.

"I don't want you to leave..." I looked up, eyes hopeful. Silently begging for something, anything. Some kind of help.

Alec snapped his eyes shut and nuzzled into my neck, breathing in my scent. Letting out a silent sob when I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"What are we doing?"

"I don't know."

"What about Dot?"

"I don't care."

Those eyes darkened, pupils dilated and he dipped his head, lips hovering over mine.

"I want what you want, only you're not man enough to ask."

"What would you have me do, Alexander? Double with you and Dot?"

Alec pulled away from me and ran his hand through his hair.

"If you're so obsessed with her, just leave me alone." Alec told me, his jaw clenched. Eyes focused.

"Do you have any idea how hard all of this has been for me?!" I asked him, getting frustrated by every passing minute. I couldn't take this. One moment things were finally getting somewhere and the next moment we were at each others throats again.

"A-Alec."

"Don't call me that. Not you," He warned.

I gave him a pleading look, trying to make him understand that I didn't choose any of this. Alec shook his head and stared at the ceiling, exposing his long, graceful neck. I stepped forward to take his hand in mine, only to feel how badly he was burning up.

"Alexander, what's wrong?!" I yanked him closer, worry flashing in my eyes. I took a hold of his arms and noticed the trail of sweat on his body.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?! You're burning up."  
He gave me a bitter smile and bit his lip. His gaze constantly shifting from my eyes to my lips.

I couldn't help the lump that formed in my throat. I swallowed. Not sure where this was going.

Alec grabbed my shoulders sending a wave of heat rushing through me.

He jerked me closer and pushed me up against the nearest wall he could find and lifted one of my legs up on his arm. I let him. I was too far gone in the heat that Alec's touch was creating. Both of our bodies were heating up. But I could feel Alec's pulse rising and we were just so close and I still couldn't get enough of him. I needed blood. And I craved every inch of his body. I needed to get out of there. But our hard ons pressing together, Alec grinding on me, looking so beautiful. It was like a drug and I needed more. I tried pushing him away but it was no use.

Deep down we knew that it was something dark buried inside both of us and we were losing control of our human sides.

Alec wanted to hurt me. It was evident. His hunter kicking in. But he didn't stop. He loved this. _He loved me._ And his magic and the buring up wasn't helping. He lost it when I began sucking on his neck and flipped us so that Alec's back was against the wall. His heart beating and his body shaking. He gripped my shoulder.

"Magnus. Please." I couldn't believe what he was asking for. He grabbed a hold of my hair, knowing that the vampire wasn't in control and moaned. Wanting for the vampire within me to bite him, to taste him.

I wanted to stop, this could end badly. I couldn't retract my fangs anymore. And our blood was boiling. I could taste the greed on Alec. And I couldn't control my own thirst. For blood. For Alec. The electricity going through his body, the lights flickering. It was too much.

I sank my fangs into Alec's neck. Blood flowed out onto my tongue in a hot rush of pleasure, pain and guilt.

Alec cried out. He arched his back and trembled, pushing into me and leaned his head back, giving me more access to his neck. His body went limp in the vampire's arms. Eyes rolling to the back of his head, glistening with tears.

"Oh, God. More." His eyes squeezed shut, and he panted, he loved this. He wanted me to go deeper. Hurt him, use him. Rip him apart limb by limb. Put those pieces back together. And then do it all over again.

I sucked harder. Unbuttoned Alec's shirt.

It felt so good that I just simply let go and let the vampire take control all over him, stealing his sanity. He gasped and shivered, crossed his arms around my shoulder, clung to me.

We were a mess. It was these rare moments of giving up control where a vampire could hear a hunter's thoughts. And I listened. Alec was trying to think, god he was trying. But he couldn't care less about doing what his brain told him. And I loved it. 

But it was wrong. I pulled away. Tried to leave. I would end up hurting Alec. But he pulled me back.

"Fuck no, you're not going anywhere! Been patient enough." He covered my mouth and face with kisses, moved down to my throat, and bit the sensitive skin there until Igave out. I was overcome with passion, my breath coming in quick gasps as I fought to keep it together.

I wounded my arms around Alec's neck. Breathing hard, shaking my head. "I want to hurt you, Alexander."

At the sound of my words, Alec's eyelids fluttered shut, and a dark need began to unfurl in his belly. I could feel his thoughts. _It was fear and desire all mangled together, because he knew that he would do anything for me. Anything I asked of him. And what I was asking was to let me work my aggression out on him._

Alec's neck healed and the fang marks disappeared in a matter of seconds. His body was overflowing with magic and power.

I kissed him, licking along his lips, teasing his tongue with mine, and finally biting his bottom lip hard enough to make him yelp.  
I brushed my thumb over his bruised bottom lip and the other man whined low in his throat. I stepped back and pulled his shirt over his head.

Alec cupped my groin, squeezing as he hissed.  
“Let me touch you.” He begged. So prettily. So drunkenly.  
I nodded in desperation. We tore at my belt buckle, unzipped me and freed me to Alec’s hungry eyes. I reciprocated, unzipping him. I fisted us both and brought us together, sliding across each other. I swiped my thumb over Alec's head.  
“Mags.” He bucked in my hand.  
“Yeah.” I leaned back and Alec moved forward, hips canted, cocks rubbing.  
I cupped Alec's ass, urging him on, harder, faster as our hips worked.

I couldn’t stop. Not until I saw my angel spill, not until I heard him cry out in release. I pulled him tighter, sinking my teeth into first one then the other nipple as Alec bit his lip.  
The sexiest whimpers still escaped from Alec. I released his nipple and kissed my way to his mouth.

“Come for me,” I whispered against Alec's mouth. “Come on me.”

“Fuck!” Alec’s fingers on my upper arms turned painful as his hips sped up. “I can’t—”  
“Do it,” I ordered, a hint of warning in my tone and Alec did.  
Thick ropes of semen splattered onto my chest and stomach.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck!” I came, splashing my seed onto Alec's lower stomach. Alec shifted off me and I opened my eyes in time to watch his raven haired head dip.  
Alec's wet tongue slid over my abs and stomach, licking up my seed.  
We lost balance, falling to the floor curled up against eachother. This time, I didn't run away. Because I felt safe.   
I nuzzled closer to Alec which made him smile.

The burn at the back of my neck didn't go away for a second. It was beyond painful. It was killing me. Slowly. But I wasn't ready to give up on my Alexander. I wouldn't put them their again.

"Alexander..."

"Hmm?"

"You and Sebastian..."

Alec silenced me with a tender kiss. It was unlike any kiss I could remember. 

"There is no me and Sebastian. It's always been you. It's always going to be me and you."

"The kiss?"

"It meant nothing." I couldn't help but smile.

  
Both of us laid there. Exchanging smiles and soft kisses. Before conjuring up the strength to get up and actually do what we came to do. We made our way back to the garden to meet with annoying glares of our friends for disappearing once again. But just for a moment there, we were happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to like comment subscribe, do it all  
Hope you guys liked it!!!  
There's way too much angst, WAY TOO MUCH


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